103 The Pain Deep in My Heart
There is a pain deep in my heart.
Each time I remember, it cuts like a knife.
I once resisted and condemned Christ;
I’ll never forget this lesson of blood.
I believed in God but did not know Him and even resisted Him.
It has left this endless remorse and regret.
I am no different from the Pharisees.
I never thought I could treat God as a man.
I believed in the Lord for years but did not seek the truth,
explaining the Bible just to show myself off.
I worked and preached just to sell myself,
serving fervently but only for blessing and reward.
I spent for the Lord just to get into the kingdom of heaven,
shouting about pleasing God but not practicing the truth,
pledging loyalty to God but making a fool of God,
outwardly pious but not fearing God in my heart.
God’s judgment and chastisement make me prostrate myself;
for judgement’s revelations I hide my face in shame.
I hate my deep corruption and inhumanity.
Fighting God for position so hurt God’s heart.
For all I have done I should have been destroyed by God,
yet God is patient with me, giving me a chance to repent.
God’s mercy and tolerance make my heart so regret;
I resolve to attain the truth and live as a human.
I’m willing to spend my life for God repaying God’s love.
I will obey God and worship God forever.