136 Believing in God yet Not Knowing God, I Have Broken God’s Heart
Jiagedaqi, Elunchun Autonomous Banner, Inner Mongolia Autonomous Region
I was formerly a preacher of the Born Again Church. I once thought that I had already had the seal of salvation and was the holiest one who loved God the most. And I had set my heart on pursuing to be a good shepherd after God’s heart. However, when Jesus whom I had been earnestly expecting for many years came back, I did not know him and acted as a blind guide. I had broken God’s heart.
In the summer of 1990, I went back to my hometown to see my mother, and she preached the Lord’s gospel to me. After I returned to Jiagedaqi (in Inner Mongolia Autonomous Region), I joined the Born Again Church, and at the end of that year, I clearly knew that I had been saved. In December 1998, I attended a training course for the first-class “pillars,” and from then on, I became even more zealous in serving the Lord.
The church at that time was thriving. The believers had a great zeal and could all love each other. At each life meeting, at least more than half of the people were saved. But in recent years, without knowing why, the number of the saved people had gradually decreased. We were as busy as before, but the saved people were very few. The co-workers and we several concerned church members burned with worries. We knelt down before God many times and prayed with tears streaming down our cheeks, “God! Please revive our spirits and revive our church again!” Yet the church was still in a desolate and miserable state. Even those devout co-workers at ordinary times behaved unrestrainedly and began to pay attention to food and clothing. As a preacher, I always played the same old tune and couldn’t preach any new light. Previously, when we relied on the preaching that ‘once saved never perish,’ we could have the strength to keep away from sin. But now, we reached a state where we lived in sin and could not extricate ourselves from it. I thought to myself, “Lord! Can such an unholy person as me see you? What should I do? What should the brothers and sisters in our church do?”
While we were in a perplexed and helpless state, the way of the “Seven Spirits sect” was preached to our area in July 2002. Several sisters of our church accepted it and some listened to it. At this time, I remembered that at a fellowship meeting of the large area co-workers in the summer of 1997, a co-worker said, “There came from the south of the country an organization called the ‘Seven Spirits sect.’ It’s an evil spirit, a deceiver. This sect grows very fast. Because the evil spirit works in it, its members are all very dangerous. They are very familiar with the Bible. You will die if you have contact with them.” Thinking of that, I immediately found several concerned church members, went with them to the homes of the sisters who had accepted the “Seven Spirits sect,” and expelled them from the church in the name of “Jesus.” We also confiscated their hymnbooks and cassettes given by our church. As for the sisters who had listened to its way, we told them to stop attending meetings and examine themselves at home. From then on, to protect the flock, I, like crazy, put aside all the works at home and went everywhere to follow, spy on, and search for the people who had accepted the way of the “Seven Spirits sect.” I resisted it at the cost of my life, and I always thought to myself, “My doing so must be most pleasing to God. I must be faithful at this critical time. Only what we believe in is the purest way of life.”
Later, the upper co-workers distributed to us many booklets, which said, “The ‘Seven Spirits sect’ says that God has been incarnated the second time as a female. They specially come to the Born Again Church to snatch people. They can receive 1,500 yuan if they snatch a preacher, 800 yuan a concerned member, and 500 yuan an ordinary believer. They will buy you over first and then make you serve them. If you don’t obey, they will lay murderous hands on you, either breaking your arms or breaking your legs, or gouging out your eyes or cutting off your ears….” Faced with these hearsay “facts,” I felt more disgusted with the “Seven Spirits sect.” I thought to myself, “The Lord had suffered so much from his first incarnation, will he still be incarnated the second time? If it continued like this, there would be no end to it. They also say that God is incarnated as a female? This is even more wrong. It’s too vicious of them to threaten people with such cruel means.” Then, I hastened to read the booklets to the brothers and sisters and wantonly preached, “It’s better to kill one thousand innocent men than to let off one of the ‘Seven Spirits sect.’” At that time, as if possessed by the devil, I spared no effort to rush about in the “front line” of resisting Almighty God’s new work.
Once, a sister who came to our local place to visit her relative came to a meeting of ours. As soon as I entered the gate, the sister of the host family told me about it. I became infuriated immediately after hearing it. I entered the room at once, grabbed that sister’s back collar, and dragged her to the yard. I questioned her sternly, “Where are you from? Who asked you to come here? Do you have a letter of introduction? (All the churches in our denomination have contact with each other, and without the introduction, we will not receive anyone.)” The sister answered my questions one by one. But because she had no letter of introduction and was of doubtful background, I pushed and shoved her out and then bolted the door.
A few days later, another three people came to our church to preach God’s end-time new work. After I heard this matter, I rushed to the church in a great rage. The moment I stepped into the room, I roared, “Get out quickly!” One of the brothers said, “We come here to preach God’s end-time new work to you. …” Before he had finished his words, I pushed them out roughly. From then on, I specially assigned a brother to guard the gate, and no stranger was allowed to enter the church.
To guard the gate of the sheepfold well and guard against the disturbance of the “Seven Spirits sect,” and to strengthen the “faith” of the brothers and sisters, I set up one more “line of defense”: to curse the “Seven Spirits sect” at the beginning of each meeting. When the meeting was over, I would also warn the brothers and sisters, “If the people of the ‘Seven Spirits sect’ come again, don’t be kind to them. Don’t smile to them. Curse them severely. Don’t let them in. No matter what they say, don’t listen to it.” Just when I was frenziedly resisting, my heart disease, stomach trouble, and high blood fat, which had been cured after I believed in the Lord, all came back. After I was put on a drip for a month, I did not get any better. Not knowing what the cause was, I often came before the Lord and examined myself: Was it because I was not faithful and didn’t guard the Lord’s flock properly? Yet I felt perplexed all along.
On April 23, 2003, when I went to other place to collect debts, I met a young brother who preached the end-time gospel. His fellowship deeply attracted me. He said, “God’s work of saving mankind includes three stages, and it began only after mankind was corrupted. Each stage of God’s work will achieve certain results in man. Although each stage of God’s work is different and the results that it will achieve in man are different, the principles of God’s working are the same: Being ever new and never old and contrary to man’s notions. But no matter how God does, it’s all for mankind to have a pleasant destination.” However, when he fellowshipped that God would do the third stage of the work through being incarnated, I realized that what he preached was the way of the “Seven Spirits sect.” In no way did I believe that God would be incarnated again and be incarnated as a female, so no matter how he fellowshipped, I could no longer take it in. Later, whenever I saw he was going to fellowship, I pretended to sleep. But I never stopped watching his every act and move through the cracks of my eyelids. While I was “sleeping,” he knelt down before God and prayed several times, and each time he wept bitter tears. Seeing all that he had done, I considered within myself, “He didn’t give me any money to tempt me, did he? And, isn’t what he fellowshipped the actual situation? Besides, through my contact with him over these days, I can tell that he is a very devout person and doesn’t have any manifestation of the work of an evil spirit.” Thus, the position of the words of the booklets in my heart began to shake. I couldn’t pretend anymore, so I “woke up.” Seeing this, the brother came up and said, “Aunty! What I have fellowshipped is too limited. Let’s look at what God’s word says about the things you cannot accept, shall we?” But because I feared it was a false way, I still harbored misgivings and remained stubborn. At this time, the brother knelt down before God again and prayed in tears. My heart was moved. “We are neither relatives nor friends, but he can pray for me with such love. Isn’t this from God? What he has done is what I, a person who ‘has life,’ have failed to do. He treats me with love, but I treat him with hatred and curse. Am I like a believer in God?” After he finished his prayer, I said, “Then you may read.” At my words, he gladly brushed the tears from his face. Then he opened the book of God’s word and read these words, “God’s incarnation is to undergo the sufferings in man’s stead, and, after that, exchange it for man’s pleasant future destination. That stage of the work Jesus did was only that he became the likeness of a sinful flesh to be crucified, served as the sin offering, and thus redeemed all mankind, laying a foundation for mankind’s entering into the pleasant destination in the future. It is instead of man’s sins that he became the likeness of a sinful flesh to be crucified, and it is also in all mankind’s stead that he was crucified. After that, he redeemed all mankind, redeeming mankind with his crucifixion and his precious blood. His precious blood served as a sin offering; that is, it served as an evidence that man was no longer guilty of sin and could eventually come into the presence of God, and it was a chip to war against satan. When it comes to this stage, God wants to end the work and end the old age, and wants to lead the surviving mankind into the pleasant destination. God has been incarnated again, undergoing some sufferings in man’s stead while conquering man. In the end, he will remove man’s sufferings, removing all of man’s sufferings by this evidence, this fact; that is, God Godself is testifying to himself, and he uses this evidence and this testimony to defeat satan, to disgrace the devil, in exchange for mankind’s pleasant destination.” God’s unfailing love for man was thoroughly expressed in those words. At that moment, I gained more knowledge of God’s love from those words than from so many life meetings and the various trainings I had attended before. From that, I understood God’s salvation for man and the results he wanted to achieve in man in different periods. God could spare nothing to be incarnated twice for mankind. God is so great and so lovely. Even so, I still dared not be certain about it.
The brother said, “Aunty! We human beings have too little true knowledge of God. We only believe God’s existence within the scope that we can touch and imagine. Yet God’s true image is far beyond this. Let’s read two more passages of God’s word. Almighty God says, ‘At that time when Jesus came, he was a male; this time when God comes, he is a female. From this you can see that God’s creating both man and woman can be for his work and that with God there is no distinction of gender. When his Spirit comes, he can put on any flesh as he likes, and this flesh can represent him. Whether this flesh is male or female, he can represent God as long as he is God’s incarnated flesh. If Jesus had come as a female, that is, if at that time a female baby had been conceived by the Holy Spirit instead of a male baby, she could have accomplished that stage of work all the same. If that had been the case, this stage of work today would have to be done by a male, and he could accomplish the work too. Both stages of works have significance, and they do not repeat each other but do not contradict each other either.’ ‘Among men, I was originally the Spirit they could not see and the Spirit they could not contact. Because of my three stages of works on earth (the creation of the world, the redemption, and the destruction), I have appeared (never publicly) to men at different times to do my work among them. The first time I came among men was in the Age of the Redemption, and of course in the Jewish family. So, those who first saw that “God” came to earth were the Jewish people. The reason why I did that stage of work personally is that I was to offer my incarnated flesh as the sin offering to do the redemptive work. So, the people who first saw me were the Jews in the Age of the Grace. That was my first work in the flesh. In the Age of the Kingdom, I am to do the conquering and perfecting work, so I do the shepherding work still in the flesh. This is my second work in the flesh. In the final two stages of works, what people contact is no longer the invisible and untouchable Spirit but a man who is the Spirit realized in the flesh. So, in people’s eyes, I become man again and do not have any flavor of God. Moreover, the God people see is not only a male but also a female. This is most astonishing and puzzling to them. People’s old beliefs of many years are all broken by my one extraordinary work after another. People are all amazed! “God” is not only the Holy Spirit, the Spirit, the sevenfold intensified Spirit, the all-inclusive Spirit, but also a man, an ordinary man, a very common man; he is not only a male but also a female, and they are the same in that they both were born of man but are different in that one was conceived by the Holy Spirit and the other was born of man yet directly from the Spirit; they are the same in that they as the incarnated God both undertake the work of God the Father but are different in that one did the redemptive work and the other does the conquering work; they both represent God the Father, but one was the Redeemer full of lovingkindness and mercy and the other is the righteous God laden with wrath and judgment; one was the Great Captain who started the redemptive work, and the other is the righteous God who fulfills the conquering work; one was the Beginning, and the other is the End; one was a sinless flesh, and the other is a flesh who accomplishes redemption and continues the work and does not belong to sin; they are one Spirit, but they live in different fleshes and were born in different places and are thousands of years apart, and yet the works they do are not contradictory but complementary and can be mentioned in the same breath; they both are man, but one was a baby boy and the other is a virgin. Throughout so many years, what people have seen is not only a Spirit, and a man, a male, but they have also seen many things that do not fit their notions. Thus they can never fathom me and always half believe in me, as if I do exist but as if I am a nonexistent dream. So, having followed me to this day, they still do not know what God is. Can you really sum me up with a simple word? Do you really dare to say, “Jesus is God and God is Jesus”? Do you really dare to say, “God is the Spirit and the Spirit is God”? Do you dare to say, “God is a man clothed with the flesh”? Do you really dare to say, “Jesus’ image is the great image of God”? Can you speak about God’s disposition and image thoroughly by your literary talent? Do you really dare to say, “God only created male in his image but did not create female in his image”? If you say so, women would not be the ones selected by me, much less one kind of people among mankind. Now do you really know what God is? Is God a man? Is God a Spirit? Is God really a male? Is Jesus the only one who can accomplish the work I want to do? If you sum up my substance with any of these, you are a very ignorant faithful believer. If I only did the work of incarnation once, would you circumscribe me? Can you really see me through at a glance? Can you really fully sum me up by what you have contacted during your life? If my two works in the flesh were the same, how would you look at me? Would you have me nailed on the cross forever? Is God so simple as what you say about him?’” As I listened to God’s words, my tears fell like falling rain. Every word of God was with authority and power and it opened my spiritual eyes. Thus I recognized that this was indeed God’s voice, and saw clearly that the one I had been resisting was precisely the Savior Jesus whom I had been longing for day and night. “O God! How corrupt I am! I am no different from the Pharisees, yet I always thought that I loved you the most and was most faithful to you. Only today have I realized that I, who have believed in you for so many years, am a foolish, ignorant, and blind person. I believe in you yet do not know you, which has broken your heart.” Thinking back to the slogan I shouted when resisting God: “It’s better to kill one thousand innocent men than to let off one of the ‘Seven Spirits sect,’” I felt I had gone even further than the King Herod of that time and was even more sinister than him. According to the monstrous sins I had committed, I deserved death and destruction. Yet God forgave me with his magnanimity and saved me who deserve to die ten thousand times. “O God! I cannot let you down anymore. I am willing to let you use me at will as an ox or a horse in your family. No matter whether I will receive blessing or suffer punishment in the end, I am willing to follow you to the end and spend the rest of my life making up for my past indebtedness.”
Before God’s great salvation, I suddenly realized that the reason why my illness came back and could not be cured was because I had resisted Almighty God. It was because of my disobedience that I received God’s discipline. Then I knew that my life was given by God and whatever God did was righteous. Even if I was told to die, I shouldn’t have any complaint. After I found the root of my problem, Almighty God pardoned me and I recovered from my illness unknowingly. From this, I saw God’s righteous disposition and realized that it is God’s love that he gives man grace and it is even more God’s love and great keeping for man that he disciplines man.
All the brothers and sisters who are waiting for the Lord’s coming, today I accept the new work not because I have been deceived or for any other purpose, but because Almighty God is precisely the returned Jesus, what Almighty God has brought to us is true life, and what he has given us is altogether salvation. God says, “Since you are a believer in God, you have to accept God’s word and obey God’s way. Do not just think about receiving blessings while being unable to receive the truth or accept the supply of life. Christ comes in the end time to supply life to all those who truly believe in him. This work is a work for ending the old age and entering into the new age and is the necessary pathway for all people to enter into the new age. If you cannot acknowledge and even condemn, blaspheme, or persecute, then you are surely one who will be burned for eternity and one who can never enter into God’s kingdom. This is because this Christ is originally the expression of the Holy Spirit, the expression of God, and the One to whom God’s work on earth is committed. So, I say that if you cannot accept all that the end-time Christ does, you are one who blasphemes the Holy Spirit. It is self-evident to everyone what retribution a person who blasphemes the Holy Spirit deserves. I still want to tell you, if you resist the end-time Christ and reject the end-time Christ, no one else can bear the consequences for you. And thereafter you will never again have the opportunity to receive God’s approval. Even when you want to retrieve, you cannot see God’s face again, because the one you have resisted is not a man and the one you have rejected is not a small man but Christ. Are you aware of such consequences?” Brothers and sisters, wake up quickly! Do not break God’s heart anymore as I did. God’s end-time work is about to be concluded. Opportunity knocks but once. If you cannot keep up with God’s new work, you will only end up being destroyed. At that time, you will be heartbroken with regret and will regret it till the end of your days!