93 I Am Willing That My Entire Life Be Accompanied by Your Chastisement and Judgment
1. O God! Regardless of the time or place, You know that I always remember You. No matter the time or place, You know that I want to love You, but my stature is too small. O God! My love is too limited, and my sincerity toward You is too meager. Compared to Your love, I am simply unfit to live. I wish only that my life is not in vain.
2. I can not only repay Your love, but, moreover, that I can devote all I have to You. If I can satisfy You, then as a creature, I shall have peace of mind, and will ask for nothing more. Regardless of Your judgment, regardless of Your chastisement, You make me know myself. Regardless of what You bestow upon me, regardless of what You take away from me, make me free from the slightest complaint toward You.
3. Many times, when You chastised me and judged me, I grumbled to myself, and was incapable of achieving purity, or of fulfilling Your wishes. My repayment of Your love was born out of compulsion. O God! At this moment I hate myself even more. I am really not worthy to live before you. I have seen my disobedience and my corruptions; chastisement and judgment are the greatest love for me.
4. O God! Your love is so precious and beautiful; Your love, your holiness, your chastisement, and your judgment all fascinate me. How could I wish to live in the hands of the evil one? How could I live under the domain of it? I’d prefer that my entire being live amid Your chastisement. I am unwilling to live under the domain of the evil one. I am willing to offer up my body and mind to Your judgment and chastisement.
5. If I can be made pure, and can devote my all to You, I am willing that my entire life be accompanied by Your judgment, through which I will come to know Your righteous disposition, and will rid myself of the influence of the evil one, and become a holy person who loves God. I, this creature, should be used by You, possessed by You, judged by You, and chastised by You. I should even be cursed by You, and should live for you.
6. My heart rejoices when You are willing to bless me, for I have seen Your love. You are the Creator, and I am a creature: I should not betray You and live under the domain of Satan, nor should I be exploited by Satan. I should be Your horse, or ox, instead of living for Satan. I’d rather live amid Your chastisement, without physical bliss, and this would bring me enjoyment even if I were to lose Your grace.
7. O God! No matter what You do, You make me convinced in heart and in mouth and be able to speak Your praises, and extol Your holy name, so that You may gain great glory through me. I am willing to stand fast in this testimony to You. I have enjoyed Your love, and today I cannot be away from You; how, say You, could I not love You? O God! I have shed many tears of sorrow because of You, yet I have always felt that a life such as this is more meaningful, more able to enrich me, more able to change me, and more able to allow me to attain the truth that should be possessed by the creatures.
from “The Experiences of Peter: His Knowledge of Chastisement and Judgment” in The Word Appears in the Flesh