7. A Haughty Spirit Before a Fall
Baixue Shenyang City
Because of a work requirement, I was transferred to another work area. At that time, I was very grateful to God. I felt that I was lacking so much, yet through God’s divine promotion, I was given the opportunity to fulfill my duty in such a wonderful work area. I made a vow to God in my heart: I would do my very best to repay God.
However, after I arrived, I discovered many loopholes in the work being done. As a result, I took it upon myself to begin inspecting each item of work. As I was performing my inspections, I was also thinking to myself: “How did any work get done like this? None of the work was managed properly! I thought the work done here would be excellent. But I never thought it would be worse than my previous job. Now that I’m here, it must be properly managed, step by step, according to the work arrangement. I will lead all the brothers and sisters to enter into life.” Because of this, I got together with the coordinators, began organizing each item of work, communicating, planning, and making arrangements. Throughout my communications, I frequently revealed my true feelings, “The work quality here is so low. My work before wasn’t like how yours is now. At my old workplace, we always managed work in such-and-such a way, we always did so-and-so well. We were obedient to God….” After these meetings, some of the coordinators would say: “Exactly right! We haven’t done any work of real value. This time, we need to start over and do our work according to God’s requirements.” Others would say: “Thank you for your great communication and for the arrangements you made today. Otherwise, our lack of attention to safety measures would be too dangerous.” Upon hearing these words, I was very happy. I felt that I was indeed stronger than their former leader. While I was proud of myself, I also couldn’t help but feel a little guilty: Was it really appropriate for me to talk like that? Why did I always say that my former workplace was better? But on the other hand, I thought: What’s wrong with saying that? I was just trying to teach them how to do a better job. In this way, I didn’t follow the prompting of the Holy Spirit to examine myself. In the Bible, the Book of Proverbs says, “Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall” (Proverbs 16:18). Just as I was diving head-first into my work with very high hopes, I felt that, in my heart, I was losing touch with God. Not only did my work fail to fall into place, but also the effectiveness of our gospel work went from soaring to taking a nosedive. I fell into an extremely painful position, but wasn’t sure what I did wrong. So, I went before God in prayer to earnestly seek guidance. At this time, words from a hymn began ringing in my ear: “As a leader serving God, one needs to stand on principles. Even if you can’t communicate the truth clearly, your heart must be in the right place. You must exalt God no matter what and bear witness to God as best as you can. Only say as much as you yourself understand, only exalt and bear witness to God. Do not exalt yourself and let others worship you. Whatever you do, do not exalt yourself and let others worship you. This is the first principle you must remember” (“Three Principles for Leaders to Remember” in Follow the Lamb and Sing New Songs).Tears streamed down my face. Remorse, guilt, and gratitude all filled my heart at the same time. I recalled all that I had said to the coordinators and felt that I was really unworthy of God’s divine promotion. The church arranged for me to come here to do my duty so that I could exalt and bear witness to God, lead brothers and sisters before God, and help them to know Him. Yet, I shamelessly showed off, exalted myself, bore witness to myself, and built myself up. I did this so that others would look up to and worship me. I was prideful. I bore witness to myself and built myself up in the name of loving and satisfying God. How does such a despicable person deserve to serve God? How could the work of such a person be blessed by God? All I was doing was competing with God for the hearts of men. I was no more than an antichrist. I was interfering with God’s work and acting as His rival. My ministry was purely against God, and God hated it. The more I thought about it, the more I detested myself. I couldn’t help but remorsefully prostrate myself before God, and cry out to Him, “Oh God! Thank You for Your chastisement and judgment which awakened me, allowing me to recognize my antichrist essence and nature like that of the archangel. You also revealed the direction of my ministry to me, helping me understand that only if I exalt and bear witness to You can I satisfy You, allow Your will to be done, and accomplish the mission You gave me to do. Only exalting and bearing witness to You are glorious. That is my duty as the created for the Creator. Oh, God! From now on, I vow to examine my heart and motives before I speak or act, consciously exalting You and bearing witness to You, leading brothers and sisters to know You, and comforting Your heart by being someone who possesses truth and humanity.”