Ever since I followed God, I had always thought: As long as one can abandon his family and career and can bear hardships and expend himself, he is a person whose nature has been transformed. Later, through the exposing of the fact and the inspiration of God’s words, I gained a little knowledge about what was the transformation of man’s nature.
In 2003, I was transferred to some other place to be a second-line director. That place was very poor in various aspects of conditions. At that time I was very unhappy in my heart, but I thought: I should pursue the transformation of my nature. Now that God has arranged this circumstance for me, I’ll just obey. As long as I inquire what I should inquire, run the race I should run, undergo the hardships I should undergo, and try to forsake it when I miss my children and family, I can get transformed in my nature. Under the sway of this viewpoint, I spent one year. But later, God’s family assigned me to go home. When I heard that, complaints arose in me: O God, why do you do so? You know I’ve abandoned my family. In performing my duty away from home, I have undergone so much suffering and refining. Now I have gone through the hard time with great difficulty, and I want to pursue to be greatly used by you. But now you have me go home; I really can’t understand it. The string of complaints and misunderstandings rendered me very resistant in my heart. No matter how the leader fellowshipped with me, I simply turned a deaf ear. In the end, I went home, full of grievances.
After I got home, I didn’t have the former resolution anymore. I lived in a passive state all along and could not come out of it. One day, I opened The Summary of Christ’s Preachings and Conversations and read this passage of God’s words in “Necessary Knowledge About the Transformation of Nature”: “Outwardly, maybe you can make some effort, or can bear some hardships, or you can carry out the work arrangements from above, or go wherever you are asked to go. This is only a little change in your behavior and cannot be considered as transformation in your nature. Maybe you can run a lot, maybe you can endure many sufferings and can bear great humiliations, and maybe you feel very close to God, and the Holy Spirit also does some work on you. But when God requires you to do a thing that does not fit your notions, you can still disobey, still give excuses, still rebel and resist, and worst of all, you can even censure God and protest against God. This then is a serious matter! It proves that you are still of the nature of resisting God and have no transformation at all.” God’s words woke me up. I examined my state in this period: Facing the arrangement of God’s family, I was full of complaints, misunderstandings, and resistance, without any element of obedience. Doesn’t this show that my nature has not been transformed? In the past, I could run around and could bear hardships, and that was only a little change in behavior. When what God did did not fit my notions, I still misunderstood and complained against God, censured and protested against God, and still had my own choice. I capitalized on the work I had done and the hardships I had suffered, reasoned and argued terms with God, and could not obey God’s manipulation. My inherent nature is still of resisting God. Like Paul, I have only learned to work and bear hardships, but I have no knowledge of myself and no experiences in the truth, and my nature has not been transformed in the least. The nature transformation required by God means that by pursuing the truth one has had knowledge of himself and of God, has no more personal choices or demands, has true obedience to and love for God, and can let God manipulate him; it does not refer to the change in one’s outward behavior. If I had not been exposed by this matter, I would not have known myself. If it were not for God’s inspiration, I could only be going around in the wrong realm of pursuing to give up things outwardly and suffer outwardly, and I would never attain the transformation of my nature, and would get nothing in the end.
Thank God that his exposing and inspiration have enabled me to have a little knowledge of the real meaning of the transformation of one’s nature. I have understood that by only pursuing to give up and expend things outwardly and suffer outwardly, one can’t attain the transformation of his nature; only if he tries to gain knowledge of himself and of God by pursuing the truth, and obeys God and practices the truth in everything, can the transformation of his nature be brought. I will correct the deviations in my practice and pursue the truth, so as to be truly transformed in my nature and be a person whom God is satisfied with.
Laiyang City, Shandong Province