Acting by Emotion, I Badly Resisted God
After I had several meetings with the two second-line directors, I found that I had a wrong state: As for one of the directors, I could inquire of him about his work in every aspect critically and in detail; but as for the other, I only roughly asked her a few questions, for she, just dismissed, had been a coordinator. I thought: In the past, she led me. If now I inquire critically about her work, she may feel embarrassed and also feel antipathy against me. So, several times when I was about to inquire critically about her work, I always checked my words.
Once we three had a meeting together again. As usual, I inquired of one director about his work critically and in detail, while I treated the other “leniently.” At the moment, the Holy Spirit rebuked me within: In doing so, are you practicing the truth? Is this a conduct of satisfying God? Aren’t you safeguarding your fleshly relationship with others? Then, I silently called on God in my heart, “O God, you deeply know what I am thinking at this moment. I know I live in satan’s bondage and can’t get released. Now I am willing to commit my state to you and look to you. May you lead and guide me. I am willing to satisfy you in this matter.”
Then, these words of God arose in my mind: “When doing everything and when speaking every word, have a right heart, act fairly, and do not act according to your emotion or your own ideas. This is the principle on which a believer in God acts.”
The inspiration of God’s words made me realize that I acted without principles and completely followed my emotion. Because I sympathized with the sister’s weakness and safeguarded my fleshly interests, I practiced philosophy of life on her and dared not inquire about her work critically, being perfunctory and cheating God in my duty. Was this not the behavior of a person of no principle? Was I not too crafty and too loathsome to God? Was there any place for God in my heart? Because I was filled with misgivings in doing things and always safeguarded my own fame and position, I could not fulfill my duty according to God’s requirements. As a consequence, the result of the gospel work of the second-line team the sister leads has never gone up, and her life entering has been held up. Besides, I myself have lived in satan’s fooling and can’t get released. I have become a person resisting God. At the moment, I saw that I was too disobedient and resisted God badly. So, I made a resolution inwardly: I will drop my emotion and wrong intents and act according to the principle of a believer’s acting; no matter how the other party may treat me, I must perform my duty properly to satisfy God.
Then, I opened my heart to fellowship about my state with the sister. In the end, we both felt released and the meeting also achieved results.
Through this experience, I have realized that only if one does things by principles can he satisfy God’s heart. From now on, I will no longer act according to my emotion or my own ideas. I will forsake my flesh in everything and be a person who practices the truth, so as to satisfy God.
Zoucheng City, Shandong Province