Actually I Gained Merely Letters in Eating and Drinking God’s Word
During the years of my following Almighty God, I read God’s word a lot and I could remember some of them. Sometimes when a piece of God’s word was mentioned, I even could tell some of its content. Thus, I considered that I had understood many truths. It was not until I was exposed by a fact that I realized what I gained from eating and drinking God’s word were merely letters.
I am a church leader. Whenever I was swamped with the church affairs and got exhausted, a counter-emotion would spring up in my heart and make me unwilling to perform this duty. Recently, in the church there were many matters to be treated, and I was nearly choked with them. So my disobedience welled up again within: This work is really too hard and tiring, and I can’t cope with it anymore. At the time, it happened that my leader came to our church to check the work, and I told her my state. Then the leader selected a passage of God’s word and read to me. As she just began to read, I said to myself, “I am quite familiar with the words in this passage. Aren’t they God’s words to judge man’s craving fleshly ease?” I sat there listening indifferently. After the reading, the leader asked me: “You think you have read all these words and know what they are talking about, don’t you? But have you ever sought what is God’s will in speaking these words?” At her word, I was struck dumb: Yes, although I was very familiar with this passage, I had never sought and pondered what was God’s will in speaking those words.
Then, we together read another two passages of God’s word: “There are still some people who just go through the motions when they eat and drink God’s word. They only know the letters and doctrines but they think they have gained the truth. They are so foolish. … You read God’s words but do not understand God’s will, and don’t understand the purpose and root of God’s speaking the words or what results to be achieved or what to be accomplished. As you do not understand these, how can it be said that you have understood the truth? You have turned the pages of the book many times, you have read it many times, and perhaps you can recite a lot of words and sentences, but you haven’t got any transformation or made any progress, and your relationship with God is still as distant as before. … How can it be said that you have gained the truth?” “Your having gained the truth means that from every word from God’s mouth, you can understand God’s meaning, and put it into practice after having comprehended it, so that God’s word can be lived out by you and become your reality. Only this means that you have understood the truth. Only when you have grasped the meaning of God’s word have you truly understood the truth. …”
After reading these words, I could not but begin to think back. When I read the word of God, I always skimmed it over, without putting my heart into it. When I finished reading a piece of God’s word and only understood a little literal meaning, I thought that I had understood the truths. As for what is God’s will in speaking those words, what results God wants to achieve in me, and how I should practice and enter into those words to satisfy God’s heart, I never paid any attention to them. I only knew some doctrines and had memorized some sentences in my mind, but I thought I had understood the truths. Now inspired by God’s words, I have come to know that when I was eating and drinking God’s word, what I actually gained were mere letters, and I had not at all understood God’s will from God’s words, let alone practiced the truth and gained the truth. No wonder I was always craving fleshly ease in performing my duty and had not got any transformed. This was because I had never sought God’s will in God’s words of exposing man’s craving fleshly ease, nor had I ever sought what exactly the results God wanted to achieve in me by speaking these words, or what kind of person God expected me to be, or what was God’s attitude toward such a person as me, or what the consequences would be if I had not been transformed in the end. As a result, in this aspect I not only hadn’t got transformed, but on the contrary, I became worse and worse and I even wanted to throw up my duty.
Only now did I understand this: If in eating and drinking God’s word I do not pay attention to seeking God’s will and cannot receive the inspiration of the Holy Spirit to understand the real meaning of God’s word, then what I gain will only be letters and doctrines, which cannot bring me any transformation in life nature, but will only cause my nature to become more and more arrogant, my relationship with God to be more and more estranged, and cause me to live in satanic corruptions and lose all the opportunities to be saved.
O God, thank you for exposing me with the fact and judging me with your words. I have seen my arrogance and ignorance and my poor and pitiful state of having nothing before your word. Today, it is your great salvation that has come to me; otherwise, I would still wander among letters and doctrines and have nothing to do with the truth, and even less could I see the dangerous consequences of my eating and drinking your word in such a way. O God, I am willing to make a fresh start, willing to have an honest and devout attitude before your word. When eating and drinking your word, I will, with a heart of thirsting for and seeking the truth, pay attention to understanding your will in every word. And on this basis, I will try to practice the truth and enter into the truth, so as to truly understand the truth and gain the truth.
Zhuanghe City, Liaoning Province