Actually, the Way of My Pursuit Was Wrong
I always thought that if one was energetic without being passive in performing his duty and had a burden for the work of the church, such was a person who pursued life. So, I had been pursuing in that way.
One day, the leader came to us to inspect the work. He asked me how my state was in that period. “It’s very good,” I replied gladly. “I am very willing to pursue to progress. And I have been thinking how to promote the work, where to lead the brothers and sisters, and how to pursue to achieve results in the work.” The leader continued, “Then what corruptions have you expressed in your working? How did you solve them? And how did you enter in? Have you had any knowledge of your inherent nature? Are you pursuing to be transformed?” Hearing his words, I said, “I never thought about these. I never paid attention to my expressions nor examined my corruptions. I only thought how to do the work well.” The leader said, “You are working without your own entering in; you are not pursuing life or transformation.” The leader’s words fell on me like a basin of cold water. I was astonished all at once: Pursuing like this is still working? Then how else should I pursue? At the time, I entirely fell into passivity, losing my zeal to make progress and my burden for the church. In confusion, I came before God to pray and seek him. When eating and drinking God’s word, I read these words: “Among those who pursued life, Paul …was a man who did not have detailed experience.… Paul did not know his substance or his corruption, much less his disobedience. …only contented himself with working all the time. He did not consider knowing himself and having his old nature transformed to be the most crucial things.” “The works Paul did were to supply the church and sustain the church. What Peter experienced was the transformation of his life nature and was loving God.” “Today, the ones I want to perfect are those who are like Peter, who pursue to be transformed in their own nature….” After reading God’s words, I compared them with my pursuit in performing my duty. My heart was brightened all at once. I was indeed like Paul and only knew to work. I went to everyone who had troubles, and after I set this small district in order I went to that small district. When I found holes and faults in my work, I never examined the ideas and thoughts I expressed within. Sometimes when I saw the state of the objects of my working was always bad, I got angry, but as to why I got angry and by what inherent nature it was governed, I never paid any attention. As a result, I became more and more arrogant and more and more lacking in humanity. Today, through the inspiration of God’s words, I corrected my viewpoint of pursuit. And I knew that if one is only energetic without being passive in performing his duty and has a burden for the work of the church, he is not truly pursuing life; if one pursues to know himself and pursues the transformation of his nature in his working, such a pursuit is after God’s heart and is truly pursuing life. Thinking of these, I quickly came before God and prayed to him: O God! Thank you for exposing my deficiencies and showing me by your words the goal and direction for my pursuit. I will turn from the way of Paul to walk the way of Peter. In my working, I will pay attention to my expressions within and to knowing myself, do my utmost to pursue the truth and the transformation of my nature, and be a true pursuer of life to comfort your heart.
Beining City, Liaoning Province