In the past, when the brothers and sisters saw that I often had chats with my mother, they fellowshipped with me: “If you have time, eat and drink God’s word more. Chitchatting too much will affect your life entering.” When I heard these words, I always disagreed with them. I thought: Is it so serious? It doesn’t matter as long as it does not hinder me from doing hosting. Thus, I chatted with my mother more and more about all sorts of subjects, and I never got tired of it.
However, every time I met my mother, she as a matter of course nagged at me, “Your family is getting poorer year by year, poorer than any family. Your brother bought another apartment last month. Now he has had four or five apartments, which have assured his livelihood for his old age. But how about you? You’re getting older and older; if you do not save some money now, what will you live on when you’re old?” When I first heard these words, I knew that they were satan’s inducement and temptation, and I could overcome it. But over time, mother’s words often echoed in my ears and appeared in my mind again and again. Insensibly I was occupied by these words. As a result, I could not quiet my heart to eat and drink God’s word, had no words for prayer, and performed my duty carelessly. And I even felt that it would be too wretched to spend all my life believing in God this way. The more I thought about it, the more I felt mother’s words reasonable. I thought, “I haven’t earned money for several years. If I continue like this, I will only eat myself out of house and home. I’d better be realistic. I will do as mother said—buy another apartment and hire it out. Thus, I will have a way to live in my old age.” So in the following months, I threw myself body and heart into the affair of looking for and buying an apartment. Yet, I just could not make a purchase: some were nice but too expensive for me to buy; some were cheap but not to my liking. Thus, I was so entangled by these things that I could hardly breathe and was out of my mind all day. And I became increasingly darkened and depressed in my spirit, and could not touch God.
One day, I read in the man’s fellowship these words: “If one does too many such things, they will affect his growing in life and disturb his performing duty. If he does not cast off such things that are unrelated to the truth, they will ruin his life and blight his future. … Although such things unrelated to the truth are not sinful, they do great harm to man’s life entering. If one is entangled by such things, he is killing himself, walking the road to his doom. It is really that a foolish person puts his neck in a trap.”
Reading here, I startled and shivered. I thought back to this period: I frequently contacted my unbelieving mother; every day I was occupied by her words of minding the flesh and caring for future and destiny; I had no place for God in my heart and was intent on preparing for my future path of living. I have done a great many things that are unrelated to the truth. They have not only affected my growth in life but also disturbed my performing duty. If I go on this way, won’t I sink into satan’s trap and become a delicacy for it? Won’t I be killing myself, walking the road to my doom? Only then did I deeply realize that though the things unrelated to the truth are not sinful outwardly, if one does them often they will take his life. If I always thought nothing of such things and always give in to myself and indulge myself, I will only become more and more fallen and be taken captive by satan again. That is so terrible!
O God, now I have understood that it is really very harmful to do those things unrelated to the truth. From now on, I will forsake my flesh and cease to do those things that have no meaning and affect the growth of my life. I will be strict with myself, do more things that are beneficial to my life and are of performing my duty and practicing the truth, and pursue to live out a meaningful and valuable life.
Guangzhou City, Guangdong Province