One day, the leader asked me to go to a second-line team to take over a gospel clue. In the evening, when I was just about to analyze this clue together with the second-line members, the second-line director said sharply: “This clue is given to your first-line team; can you make it? Give us a definite answer, please.” Then all eyes were directed toward me. Under the gaze of so many eyes, I said hurriedly, “Let’s rely on God, for man can do nothing. If we cooperate with God by faith, God will work, I believe.” But she did not let the matter rest. She continued, “The several clues we gave you in this period were all bungled by you. This time you must succeed! This gospel friend has many people under him. If you bungle again, when we have clues in the future, we’ll not dare to give them to you.” Hearing these words, I had a guilty conscience and my heart thumped heavily. If I say we can make it, I’m talking big, for I don’t have full confidence. If I say we can’t, then the brothers and sisters will distrust us even more. So, I had to say, “If one does not rely on God, no matter which team he is in, he can’t achieve any result.” Yet in my heart I was arguing: This sister is so harsh. It’s common occurrence that one fails in his work. Why does she always make unreasonable requirements of us? Even God does not ask people to do what they can’t! But afterward, I, who had been challenged, did not dare to slack a little. I immediately brought this gospel clue before God and earnestly looked to God, committing it to God. Finally, under God’s leading, our cooperation achieved a very good result. Nevertheless, I was not at all joyful, feeling that it was so distressing to perform duty in this environment as I was always watched, pressed, and supervised by others. In my heart I always expected that I could be transferred to another working environment.
Once, after prayer I opened Christ’s Talks with Some Church Workers and read God’s words: “Take for example the matter of performing duty faithfully. You have a little knowledge of performing duty and have a little knowledge of being faithful to God, and you also understand the truths. But when can you be fully faithful? And can truly perform duty? This requires a process. In this process, you may undergo many sufferings; someone deals with you, someone prunes you, someone pushes you, presses you, and compels you, and everyone fixes his eyes on you. Finally you are aware that you yourself are not good: How can I perform my duty unfaithfully? I can’t be perfunctory and deceitful. The Holy Spirit inspires you within, and rebukes you when you have done something wrong. In this process, you gain some knowledge of yourself, knowing that in your performing duty there are too many mixtures, too many personal intents, and too many personal desires. After you know this, you gradually enter the right track and can have changes in your behavior. As to your performing duty at present, substantially, how much of it is the true performing duty? How much of it is done according to the truth after your nature has been transformed? You should examine these….”
While reading God’s words, I felt my cheeks burning and bowed my head in shame. God really knows me thoroughly! The previous clues were bungled simply because we always lived in an inactive state and were perfunctory and deceitful. God knows that I am by nature too lazy, cowardly, and servile. If this time the brothers and sisters had not watched and pushed and pressed me, I would still have wanted to make excuses to give in to myself; I would not have had a burden or a sense of urgency, much less come initiatively before God to seek and look to and rely on God, and this clue would have been bungled because I had no faith to cooperate. If God had not raised up the circumstances to deal with me but allowed me to follow my nature, I would eventually be eliminated by God because of being perfunctory and deceitful. However, I did not understand God’s kind intention of arranging the circumstances for me, and was even full of prejudices against the sister. I was really ignorant to the extreme, and was a worthless wretch.
Then, I prostrated myself before God: O Almighty God, I have followed you for years, but I am still a person who worries you. I never took the initiative to cooperate in performing my duty; I could not perform my duty properly unless I was watched, pressed, and pushed by others. I have grieved you too much! O God, now I have understood that my encountering of any person, matter, or thing is not accidental and it contains your good purpose, which is for me to cast off my corrupt nature of being lazy and perfunctory and deceitful and exert all my effort and be faithful in performing my duty. O God, all this you have arranged is so wonderful. I don’t want to escape anymore, for I badly need to steel myself in this environment. I am willing to make a resolution to accept your dealing and pruning and pursue the transformation in my nature, so that I can perform my duty faithfully and be a person who puts you at ease.
Chengdu, City, Sichuan Province