I have followed Almighty God for several years, but I never paid attention to the transformation of my life nature; I equipped myself with some letters and doctrines only for fellowshipping with others. Even so, I thought myself better and higher than anyone else. Later, through God’s family grouping believers into three kinds, I came to realize that I was not one who pursued the truth but one who resisted God.
In this February, the church started to classify its members into three kinds of groups, A, B, and C, for meetings. I thought to myself, “Surely, I’ll be classified into an A-group—a group that pursues the truth.” But to my surprise, I was classified into a B-group. At that time, I simply could not accept this fact and was filled with complaints: Why classify me into a B-group? Am I a person who does not pursue the truth? The man’s fellowship has said that “those who do not pursue the truth can’t be saved,” so what is the meaning of my being alive? Thus, I became passive; I no longer wanted to perform my duty or read God’s word, let alone attend meetings. During those few days, outwardly I was without illness and misfortune, but deep down in my heart I suffered inexpressible pain. I had to come before God and cry out to him, “O God! Today your family has classified me into a B-group, but I feel it hard to obey. My heart is full of complaints and resistance, and I live in passivity and can’t pull myself out. But I know everything you arrange is good and is what I need. O God, may you inspire me so that I can understand your intention and have a true knowledge of myself. I wish to go out of this passive state.”
After the prayer, I opened the book of God’s word and read these words: “Before others they are most self-important, and they never obey anyone. Before God they consider themselves to be ones who are most capable of preaching ‘sermons’ and who are most capable of working on others. … There are indeed some such people in the church. It can be said that these people are ‘a family of mighty and unyielding heroes.’ They abide in God’s family from generation to generation. They take preaching ‘sermons’ (doctrines) as their highest responsibility. Year after year and generation after generation, they are strictly carrying out their sacred and inviolable responsibility. No one dares to touch them, and no one dares to denounce them. They become ‘men of supreme power’ in God’s family and act domineeringly in every age.”
God’s stern words aroused my heart, and I began to reflect upon my actions. Although I have followed God for several years, I ate and drank God’s word not for understanding the truth to solve my own problems, but for equipping myself with some letters and doctrines to fellowship with others. In the meetings, I often talked on and on and did not give others a chance to speak; when they cut me short according to the principles of fellowshipping about God’s word, I even had prejudices against them. Besides, in fellowshipping about God’s word, I was apt to argue and split hairs. Many times the brothers and sisters pointed out my defect in this regard, but I refused to admit it; I thought that they found fault with me and that they did not understand the truth and yet tried to stop me from fellowshipping about the “truth.” This time, when God’s family classified me into a B-group, I was even full of complaints as if deeply wronged, and I reckoned that I had no opportunity to be saved. I became slack in my work, stopped attending the meetings, and gave up eating and drinking God’s word. Isn’t this a mark of my not pursuing the truth? Doesn’t this show that I was an impossible person who did not pursue the truth and who was so arrogant as to be devoid of humanity and sense? It is just and reasonable that God’s family has classified me into a B-group, and it is also a reminding and warning to me. Why should I have had complaints? If God’s family had not done so, I would never have seen how touchy I was or known myself and humbled myself to pursue the truth; instead, I would be condemned by God and finally be eliminated, for disturbing the normal church life. Then I deeply felt that in doing everything God’s family is right and is responsible for our life, without any ill will, much less the intention to expose and eliminate us.
Thank God for his inspiration. Through the matter of the classification, I have gained a little true knowledge of myself. I have seen that I was not a person who pursued the truth and obeyed the truth but one who only paid attention to doctrines and whose nature was arrogant. I really needed God’s exposing and salvation. At the same time, I have also realized that, only through one encountering some things contrary to his notions, can his corruptions be exposed and can he know himself, pursue the truth, and pursue to be saved by God. From now on, I will try to pursue the truth and the transformation of my nature, be a true pursuer of the truth, and never again disobey and grieve God.
Taiyuan City, Shanxi Province