Once at a meeting, the leader discovered that when I arranged the works I seldom had the principles and God’s word as the basis. So, she said that I was a person who served God by his natural zeal, that in performing my duty I did not pay attention to pursuing the truth or pursuing transformation in my nature but was only busy doing the work, and that I was walking the way of Paul. Hearing those words, I felt extremely distressed. Seeing that my life nature was indeed not much transformed, I thought to myself: I perform my duty and run around every day and have not much time to eat and drink God’s word to equip myself with the truth. If I continue like this and my nature is not transformed, no matter how much work I do, it is in vain. No! From now on, I can’t run around like this every day; I must spend more time and effort on God’s word and pay more attention to my transformation.
After I returned, I spent most of my time in reading God’s word, while the time I spent in going around the church became less and less; and I no longer had a great burden for the various works of the church. Gradually, however, I found that not only did my life grow little, but my state was getting worse day by day. I held the book of God’s word in my hands but could not read it. And I did everything by halves. Then I was perplexed: Why is it that I have paid so much attention to eating and drinking God’s word, but my life still has not grown and my state has become worse instead? I had no choice but to come before God to pray and seek. Then I opened The Summary of Christ’s Preachings and Conversations, and I read these words in the Fellowship of the Man attached to it: “People’s transformation in nature is directly related to their expending for God. One’s transformation in nature is achieved through his expending for God. Only if one pursues the truth and practices the truth while expending for God can he gain the transformation of his nature. … In fact, no matter how many doctrines one has understood, it does not mean that his nature has been transformed. If he cannot expend for God sincerely, all the truths will be hard for him to understand or enter into. Only expending for God is practically experiencing the word of God, knowing the word of God, and entering into the word of God. In our expending for God, we have the Holy Spirit’s inspiration and enlightenment as well as God’s pruning and dealing, and this is more helpful for us to know ourselves more deeply and enter into the deeper truths step by step. In our expending for God, we enjoy the most grace of God, enter into the truth fastest, and the transformation of our nature is most realistic, with obvious results.” Having read these words, I suddenly saw the light. One who wants to pursue the transformation of his nature cannot gain it only by eating and drinking God’s word; it is mainly in the course of his performing duty that he can gain it gradually. This is because only in performing his duty can it be facilitated for one to know himself and transform himself, only in performing his duty can he receive more inspiration and enlightenment from the Holy Spirit and have deeper knowledge and experiences of some truths, and only in performing his duty can he have more opportunities to be perfected and grow faster in his life. Today, God has pointed out my deficiencies through the leader’s fellowship with me, in order that I will have a burden for my own life in performing my duty, and lead the brothers and sisters onto the way of being transformed in nature while paying attention to my own transformation. However, I absurdly thought that my not growing in life and not being transformed in nature was caused because I worked outside every day traveling much and read little of God’s word. So, I began to aimlessly eat and drink God’s word at home but laid God’s commission aside. I was really absurd to the extreme. With such erroneous practice, even if I had equipped myself with more words of God at home, if I didn’t practice or enter into these truths through performing my duty and through real circumstances, then what I understood would only be doctrines, and I would never gain the reality of the truth, even less could I gain the transformation of my life nature.
O God! Thank you for your timely inspiration which has corrected my deviation in practice. In performing my duty in future, I will pay more attention to my own entering in, eat and drink your word with a true burden for the works, and have an aim in equipping myself with the truths I should enter into, so that in the process of expending for you, I will have true life entering in and nature transformation to satisfy your heart.
Fuxin City, Liaoning Province