Every time I read the words by which God discloses man’s being evil by nature, I thought, “They are directed at young people and have nothing to do with me. I’m nearly fifty years old, have a family, and am upright. I’m not an evil person.” However, in God’s exposing, I saw my true self clearly.
Our church admitted a young brother who had just accepted God’s new work. He not only had few notions but also had a good understanding. After contacting him at several meetings, I had a mild affection for him. I wanted very much to meet with him more, and I even preferred to go to his place for a meeting rather than go to the place where I should go. What’s more, I always wanted to show off before him. Gradually, I didn’t dare to look him in the eye when fellowshipping and always had an indescribable feeling in my heart. Once, it was time again for me to go to his place for a meeting. I rummaged through my clothes at home and hesitated over which piece to wear, feeling that none of them was to my satisfaction. At ordinary times I was not clothes-conscious, but today I behaved abnormally. I was very surprised at myself: Why do I pay so much attention to dressing myself at the thought of meeting that brother? At the moment, I suddenly remembered God’s words: “As you have such a humanity, showing off your charm, exhibiting your flesh, and always living in the lust of your flesh, aren’t you the offspring of unclean spirits and evil spirits? I will not allow such an unclean spirit to exist long! Don’t think that I do not know what you are thinking about in your mind. Even though your lusts and your flesh are not let loose, could I not know what your heart longs for and what your eyes lust after? Isn’t it in order to show off your flesh that you these delicate young ladies dress up like flowers and jade? What good will men do to you? Can they really save you from this ocean of woes?” Facing the disclosure of God’s words, and thinking of my eagerness when rummaging through the clothes a moment ago and of my “radiant” eyes when meeting the brother, I was overwhelmed with shame and could find no place to hide myself. Am I not a licentious person through and through? I did not express corruption before and that was because there were no suitable circumstances; it doesn’t mean that I have no evil inherent nature. However, I held on to the viewpoint that “I’m old, have a family, and am upright” and placed myself outside God’s words, denying that my inherent nature is evil. If it were not for God’s disclosing, I would still live in evil and licentiousness and would never know my true self, and in the end, I would be taken captive by satan and fall into Hades without knowing what the matter was. O God, through your exposing, I have seen my ugliness and evil. Even more, I have known that your word is not directed at a certain person or certain people, but it is the truth oriented toward all mankind and it discloses the true state of all mankind. O God, I will rebel against the flesh and no longer indulge in sin. I will, under your keeping, pursue the truth and pursue to be transformed.