God’s Discipline Made Me Know Myself
At a meeting, several brothers and sisters and I pointed out each other’s defects for us to know ourselves and get transformed. I did not expect that two sisters pointed out my defects to me at the same time. They said that I always tended to hold on to my own opinions and it was hard for me to accept others’ advice and so on. At that time, outwardly I reluctantly accepted it, but inwardly I was not at all convinced, feeling that my self-esteem was greatly hurt. I thought to myself, “Even if I tended to hold on to my opinions, it’s enough that one of you criticized me. Why do you speak against me together? Aren’t you deliberately embarrassing me? Look at yourselves. In which aspect are you better than me?”
After the meeting, I rode my bike home. All the way I felt indignant and kept considering how to find an opportunity to strike back at the two sisters who pointed out my defects to me. Suddenly, several dogs darted from the roadside and surrounded my bike, barking at me. I was so scared that I jumped off the bike in a hurry and shouted for someone to help me drive the dogs away. But no one answered me at all. Just then a thought flashed through my mind: “Is it that the thoughts I had just now are loathed by God and thus God is reminding and disciplining me through this?” So, I immediately prayed to God silently in my heart, beseeching God to open up a way for me. Soon, those several dogs all went away. According to reason, I should drop the idea of getting back at the sisters and come before God to examine myself. I was so numb, however, that I didn’t try to know myself and correct my wrong state from this matter.
That afternoon I went to meet a new believer. On the way, I thought again of the scene of my being criticized at the meeting, and unconsciously, the mentality of revenge came up to my mind again. I thought to myself, “I cannot bear such an insult. Tomorrow I must find an opportunity to take revenge on them.” Unexpectedly, when I had just arrived at the gate of the new believer’s house (the new believer wasn’t at home), a dog suddenly darted from the yard and rushed at me. It sprang at my leg and gave it a fierce bite. Instantly I felt an unbearable pain and couldn’t help complaining, “Why was I so unlucky today? Why was I always bitten by dogs?” Just when I was complaining, a passage of God’s word clearly appeared in my mind: “When you do something, you do not have any feeling and no one else knows it. But God knows it, and he will not let you go and will discipline you. The Holy Spirit works in an especially fine way. He searches clearly people’s every word and deed, every act and move, and every mind and thought and causes them to have feeling within. If you make mistakes in doing things one time and make mistakes in doing things another time, gradually you will understand the working of the Holy Spirit.”
Only then did I realize that my idea to get back at the sisters was so loathsome to God that God disciplined me by the surrounding things to make me know myself. Just because the two sisters pointed out my defects to me, I thought that they deliberately embarrassed me and caused me to lose face. In fact, the sisters pointed out my defects and this was to help me so that I could clearly know my deficiencies and thus pursue to be transformed with a goal. However, I not only didn’t accept it from the positive side, but on the contrary, I took their words to heart and bore grudges against them. And I even wanted to find a chance to take revenge on them. Was I a person who was willing to accept the truth? Wasn’t I a contemptible person without any humanity or reason?
Thank God for his inspiration. It has made me see that I’ve been so corrupted by satan that I have no human likeness at all: My human nature is too low and my heart is too malicious. If God’s discipline had not come in time, I would certainly have followed my satanic nature and done some things loathed and hated by God. From now on, I will take this as a warning, pay attention to knowing myself in God’s word, forsake my satanic nature, and pursue to be a person who is willing to accept the truth and who has humanity.
Xuzhou City, Jiangsu Province