At the height of SARS, the Iraq War broke out. Seeing that both disaster and war had arisen, I felt happy as well as nervous. I warned myself inwardly, “God’s words have been fulfilled; I must work hard! I mustn’t fall into disasters to suffer.” So, every day I ran continuously among the churches fellowshipping, urging that the brothers and sisters should rise up quickly to perform duties, otherwise they would have no more opportunity.
Right then, a sister told me that God had expressed new words. I was overjoyed to hear that. My first thought was: Since God spoke in the period of the tribulation, there must be something said and arranged concerning God’s day. So, with curiosity, I hastily fetched God’s latest utterance. As soon as I saw the title, “You Should Think About Your Doings,” I was dumbfounded, somewhat disappointed. But I read on. When I came to these words, “Every day I am inspecting your tracks and examining your intents and evil fruits. I have never found that anyone’s heart and spirit are truly laid upon my altar that never moves. …,” I did not want to continue. My heart sank: I have left my family and given up my career, I have been performing my duty conscientiously, and I have done my work quite well. I can be counted as a person who loves God with a true heart, can’t I? God, why do you say that you have never found anyone’s heart and spirit truly laid upon your altar that never moves? Then what should I do to be considered as being sincere? … I was full of grievances; and with a blank countenance, I sat there in a daze…. Suddenly, God’s words occurred to me: “My heart does not want to hurt anyone’s heart that strives forward actively, much less want to discourage anyone’s zeal to perform their duty faithfully. But I have to remind every one of you of your deficiencies and of your sordid soul in your innermost being.” God’s words inspired me. I realized that whatever God expresses is love for man, and no matter whether it fits man’s notions, it is man’s present need. How can I argue with God and even deny God’s words because what God says is not to my liking? So, I again took up God’s word and carefully went on to read: “Once my hand begins to do things, these people are ready to take actions and act as daring vanguards. …” Facing the disclosure of God’s words, I examined my expressions and thoughts. Was I not a “daring forerunner” who took action eagerly in order to be a master of the next age and have a good destination? At the moment, I deeply felt ashamed of my ugly performance. Then I knelt down on the floor and prayed to God: O God, I am too ungrateful. You work among us with danger, uttering and speaking words to lead us, so that we can cast off our corruptions. However, I, an unreasonable person, did not treasure your word but always expected your day. When I saw your day was drawing near and disasters were poured down, I ran in front; when I saw none of these, I became weak. I have never thought about your feelings or your kind intention. I am really a conscienceless person!
Thank God that his latest utterance has exposed my ugliness, and made me see that my heart of believing in God’s day and expecting disasters was so intense and that my pursuit of years was actually for future and destiny, not for gaining the truth. It is God’s words that have timely corrected my viewpoint of pursuing. From now on, I will no longer live by curiosity. I only desire to do the will of God and be a person who pursues the truth and the transformation of his nature, so as to repay God’s love.
Suqian City, Jiangsu Province