Once, when I was out performing my duty I was arrested. During the interrogation, because I could not stand the cruel beating and torment of the great red dragon, I betrayed several brothers and sisters. After I was released, I felt great remorse. I thought: “I’ve followed God for so many years and enjoyed so great the love and salvation of God, yet I rebelled against God and betrayed the brothers and sisters of God’s family, becoming a Judas. I’m really too conscienceless. A person like me only deserves to be cursed. How can I have the face to beseech God for forgiveness! No matter how God may curse or punish me, it is God’s righteousness and is what I deserve.” From then on, the pricks of my conscience and the torment in my spirit caused me to live distressingly in repentance and compunction.
When I was tormented half dead and felt despair, one day someone from God’s family came to contact me and brought me a book of God’s word and a hymnal, and also read together with me a piece of work arrangement: “Some people told some information because of weakness but did not give away all the important matters of God’s family or cause great damage to God’s family; such people should be readmitted back into the church. As for those who sold out all the works of God’s family and felt extreme remorse after being released, but who did not serve as a tool of satan, still pursue the true way, and actively ask to perform duty and live the church life, such people should be given one more chance….”
Reading these words, I could not but burst into tears. Every day I ate and drank God’s word and enjoyed God’s grace, yet I betrayed the brothers and sisters of God’s family and became a Judas. This was something unforgivable and something most grievous and unbearable to God. I myself did not dare to desire to receive God’s tolerance and forgiveness once more. However, God has forborne with me with his broad heart and shown me mercy with his great love, giving me another chance to be saved today. God’s love is so great and deep; God’s heart is so beautiful and kind! At the moment, I could not find more words to express my gratitude to God. I could not help falling down before God: “O Almighty God! I, a person corrupted to the point of having no humanity, am really unworthy to receive such great love from you. Facing another tolerance from you, I really feel terribly ashamed of myself. I don’t know how to repay your great grace and love for me. Today, this breath of mine is bought with your patience. It is your mercy that has caused me to receive another chance to be saved. Faced with another tolerance and mercy from you, I resolve to start a new life and bear in mind this lesson paid for with blood. In the days to come, no matter how adverse the circumstances may be and how much I have to suffer, I will never again commit rebellion against you to hurt your heart. I only desire to repay your infinite love for me with my practical living out.”
Heze City, Shandong Province