At every meeting, the leader would ask me in detail how I got along in watering those who came in one or two years ago but who were not certain about God’s work and were not willing to attend meetings. Whenever she mentioned these people, I felt oppressed. I thought: These people are not at all pursuing ones, and they are certainly ones who will be eliminated in the end. Since I’m assigned to water them, I just do it. But I can’t help their not pursuing. When God’s work ends, they’ll have to be destroyed or eliminated. By then they will regret, but they cannot blame me.
Because my intent was not right, my work of watering and giving remedial courses remained unfruitful all along. When I saw that the same kind of work in other places was effective, I began to examine myself. I came before God and sought, “O God, I have no burden for the commission you have given me, and no love for these brothers and sisters; I even thought that they were ones to be eliminated. I know my thought is incompatible with you and resists you, but I’m willing to seek your intention. May you inspire me.” In my seeking, a hymn of God’s word occurred to me: “For God to look for the lost sheep is not a doctrinal practice. It shows God’s intention for mankind, how dearly God loves mankind, and that God has expectations of men and does not want them to leave him. This is a kind of nature of God and a desire of God.”
God’s words made me feel ashamed and guilty all at once. Only then did I realize that God’s intention is to save man to the utmost and that what God’s nature expresses is love to man. However, I was too malicious-hearted and cold-blooded. I never had any sympathy or love for those who are not willing to attend meetings, but instead I regarded them as encumbrances, and wished they would drop out early so that I would suffer less. My humanity was too bad and too contemptible! O God, your heart is so kind, and is full of love and mercy to mankind. Even though men have forsaken you, you give them as many chances to be saved as possible. In comparison with your love, I am simply unworthy to live. Your kindness and beauty have attracted my heart. I am willing to imitate your being, accept your commission, and bring before you the brothers and sisters who do not understand your intention. Through caring for your intention, I will have my dirty soul transformed, so that I can soon be compatible with you to comfort your heart.
Dandong City, Liaoning Province