Last year, God’s family assigned me to perform duty as a life deacon. I thought, “My two children, who are in middle school, need me to cook for them on time every day. And my eighty-year-old mother-in-law needs me to serve her every meal. I have to look after the whole family, but now, I’m assigned to be the life deacon. What a nuisance!” I wanted to refuse the commission right away, but at the thought that refusing it was seriously rebelling against God and would bring me punishment, I could not but accept it. Yet, I was never willing in my heart. After much consideration, I finally thought up a “good idea”: “Since I can’t shirk it, I’ll just do it perfunctorily. When one day you see me unfit for use, you’ll have me replaced. In this way, I do not throw up the duty myself, and God won’t condemn me….” Then I began to carry out my scheme. I remained away from the church all day, and even if I occasionally went around the church, I did it perfunctorily as a mere formality.
Two weeks later, I suddenly had a hemorrhoid. I could not help feeling pleased secretly: What a heaven-sent opportunity! I’d better take it to have an operation and throw up the duty. Otherwise, I will never again find so good an opportunity.” (Actually, my hemorrhoid was only in its early stage, and an operation was entirely unnecessary.) After the operation, the commission was shifted off, but my body felt more and more uncomfortable. The affected part was so painful that I could not move a single step or lie with ease. I had to go to the hospital again. Examination revealed that after that one hemorrhoid was incised two more had grown and the incision had been infected. I did not do soul-searching but thought that the medical skill of the hospital was not good. Then, I transferred to another hospital. On the third day after my transfer, unexpectedly, before my new illness was cured, my ulcerative colitis recurred. I heard the specialist in the hospital say that after two recurrences, this illness could become cancerous. “My ulcerative colitis has recurred many times. Hasn’t it already cancerated?” The more I thought about it, the more I became afraid. I lost my appetite and could not sleep well. All day long, I was haunted by anxiety and fear, feeling that death would come upon me at any time.
One day, God’s majestic and wrathful words came to me: “He who does not truly love me, my wrath will never leave him, so that he will forever remember that I am the true God and that I am the God who searches hearts and minds. Don’t act one way to others’ faces and another behind their backs. All your actions I have seen clearly. You can deceive man, but cannot deceive me. I have seen everything clearly. You still try to cover up; that is impossible. Everything is in my hand. Do not think that you are clever and make nice calculations. I tell you, you calculate and recalculate but in the end you cannot escape from my hand. All things are in my hand, much more a man! Do not escape, do not hide, and do not deceive or conceal. Can you not see that my glorious countenance, my wrath, and my judgment have been revealed publicly?” Only then did I begin to examine my actions. When God gave me the commission, I cared for my family and regarded the commission as an encumbrance. I hid my treachery and acted in a slick way and resorted to the sordid means to deceive the leader and cheat God, playing the “petty trick” on God. Man did not know my thoughts and intentions, but God saw them clearly. How could God tolerate my cheating him? The illnesses are precisely the bitter fruits brought by my cheating God. They are what I asked for and what I deserved. O God, I am really too audacious and reckless. Even if now you let me die, it is your righteousness. If I can live, no matter what duty you let me perform, I will obey willingly and never again play tricks to cheat you.
Having found out the cause of my illnesses, I discharged myself from the hospital and threw myself into performing my duty. Thank God that he forgave me. A week later, without taking medicine or having injections, I recovered from both of my new and old illnesses. Through this, I realized that the anger with judgment and chastisement was the best way by which God saved me; without it, when could such a base person as me who is crooked and crafty have a heart of fearing God? And when could I become subject before God honestly and obediently? Now, I have come fully out of my home and shouldered a greater commission God has given me.
Nanyang City, Henan Province