Whenever I thought of my previous blasphemy against Almighty God, my heart felt uneasy and very remorseful.
In June 2001, I preached the gospel in the Justification by Faith Church. They regarded me with suspicion and so they asked me to say the words to blaspheme Almighty God. At that time, I got into a sudden panic and didn’t know what to do. In order to remove their suspicion, I followed them to say the blasphemous words. Then and there I thought, “Anyway, it is not that I say that of my own accord….” A short while later, however, I felt weak and limp all over. I was nauseated and just wanted to vomit. I was scared and aware that it was God’s discipline to me. At that moment, I remembered such words of God: “If you act recklessly in the things involving God’s name, God’s testimony, or God’s work, then the Holy Spirit will not let you pass. …” I knew that I had offended God.
After I got home, I lay in bed, tears flowing incessantly. I was very distressed. My chest was smothered, my breathing was difficult, and my throat had a hacking cough. I had the feeling that dying was better than living. At that time, God’s word rang in my ears again: “…you may do a thing that offends God and see what he will do. Maybe your flesh will not die and still can eat and dress, but you will feel unbearable in your heart….” Examining myself against the words of God, I understood that this was the punishment I deserved. Later, I read God’s words: “For his own intent, and for achieving his personal purpose…. Now, for instance, some people who preach the gospel, in order to win men, follow others to say, ‘The East Lightning is a cult.’ Whatever your intent, it is improper to say so. Can’t you say other words? Why must you use this word? Isn’t this blaspheming God? This word comes out of your mouth, and then it’s you who blaspheme God….” Every word pricked my heart, and I fell down before God, choking with sobs. I prayed to God regretfully, “O God! I’ve offended you. I really deserve death. I don’t know if you still want me. Even if you don’t want me and take my life away, I have no complaints, because you are holy and not to be offended.”
Through this matter, I have personally experienced that God’s nature is not to be offended by any man. I have seen the righteousness and majesty of Almighty God. And at the same time, I have also had some fear of God.
Qingzhou City, Shandong Province