In eating and drinking the word of God, I read these words: “If you equip yourself well and grow up in life at this step of work, you will be one fit for use. If you do not equip yourself well, you will not be fit for use even if you are wanted at the next step of work. At that time, even if you want to equip yourself, you will have no more opportunity …” “After the conquering work, God will do the work of rewarding the good and punishing the evil: Those who have become completely obedient, that is, those who have been completely conquered, will be put in the work of spreading the work in the entire universe at the next step, and those who have not been conquered will be put in darkness and there will be disasters coming upon them.” Then I thought: God’s gospel work in Mainland China will be basically concluded at the end of this year. I must seize the opportunity to perform my duty well, equip myself with more truths, and pursue toward a higher and more beautiful realm. When God’s next step of work is carried out, I can then go abroad.
In the following days, all that I thought in my mind were the beautiful scenes of my going abroad in the future: flying over the oceans by plane, residing in a high building, and many foreigners crowding round me. How great I will look! At present, I am ridiculed and despised by others because of my belief in God. When that time comes, I will stand up with head high, letting my friends and colleagues know what I have been doing during these years. I must have them treat me with special esteem…. Motivated by my intent of receiving blessings, I kept hurrying the work, and when I went to the church, I also fellowshipped about this aspect. I felt I was full of inexhaustible energy. Sometimes I even felt as if I were really about to reign and rule. My whole being was puffed up with pride.
When I was completely living in such a state, God’s words alerted me: “Under what motivation do you undergo suffering and pursue to be perfected now? Do you do them for testifying about God? Do you do them for your flesh to receive blessings or for the sake of your future prospects? Your intent and motive and the goal of your pursuit should be right, and you cannot act according to your own will. If a person pursues to be perfected for receiving blessings and for reigning and ruling, and another person pursues to be perfected for satisfying God and for practically testifying about God’s deeds, which of these two ways do you choose? If you choose the former one, you still fall far short of God’s standard. I said that I would make my deeds known to the entire universe and I would reign and rule in the entire universe. But my commission to you is for you to testify about God’s deeds but not for you to reign and appear to the entire universe. When I say that God’s deeds will be made manifest throughout the universe and the expanse so that everyone will see them and acknowledge them, I say that in regard to God Godself. But what man should do is to testify about God.” The disclosing of God’s words made me feel ashamed and disgraced. I saw that I believed in God not to pursue the truth to testify about God’s deeds, nor to perform the duty of a created being to satisfy God, but to receive blessings for my flesh. My intent was too contemptible, and my bargaining head was too much developed. How shameless I was! At that moment, I could not but bow down before God: O God! Thank you for exposing me and even more for saving me. It is your words that have corrected my erroneous viewpoint of pursuit and caused me to receive the supply of life. I am willing to make this resolution: I will never again pursue those unrealistic things or make any plans for my flesh. I only wish to experience your word in a down-to-earth way, cast off my corrupt nature soon, and honestly stand on my position as a created being to testify about your wonderful deeds.
Xining City, Qinghai Province