During the period of my performing duty, for several months I was in a very bad state and was passive to an extent. At that time, whenever I saw that my contemporaries, who came back from their city work, were gorgeously dressed and had a fine presence, my heart felt very distressed. I looked back at myself: I not only had no good enjoyment but had to suffer the hunting by the great red dragon. When I didn’t do the work well, I would be rebuked. When I did the work well, nobody praised me…. I was full of complaints inside, and always thought that the circumstances God arranged for me were too hard and I didn’t have so big a stature. The brothers and sisters fellowshipped with me, yet I turned a deaf ear to their words. I thought that they were not in my position so they didn’t know my pains, and I always felt I had been wronged. Because of that, I shed countless tears. I led the church perfunctorily, going through motions. I felt that I had lost the working of the Holy Spirit, and I was nearly broken down….
Later, at a meeting, after I gave the test questions to the brothers and sisters, I picked up the book of God’s word and turned the pages at random. I came across a passage of God’s word: “If your goal to pursue is not to seek the truth, then you’d better seize this chance to return to the world and go all-out to work for yourself. It is not worthwhile to idle away your time in such a way. Why torture yourself like this? What things in the wonderful world could you not enjoy? All the worldly products such as money, beautiful women, position, vanity, family, children, and so on, aren’t they the best things for you to enjoy? Why should you go around here looking for a place of comfort? Even the Son of Man has no place to lay his head; how could you have a comfortable place? How could he create a pleasant and comfortable place for you? Is it possible? What you can receive from me today are the teachings of the truth apart from the judgments. You cannot possibly get ease from me, nor can you possibly get from me the cozy nest that you dream of day and night. I will not bestow upon you the wealth and honor of the world. If you pursue sincerely, I will bestow all the ways of life upon you, making you feel like a fish getting into the water. If you do not pursue with a genuine heart, I will take back everything. I do not want to bestow the word from my mouth upon the swine-like people who seek ease!” Every word of God pricked my heart and shamed me unbearably. And I could not help feeling remorseful and self-reproached. Ah, yes, I have believed in God for many years, yet I do not have any knowledge about God. Today God comes to give man the truth and the life but not ease and wealth and honor. However, what I wanted to get from God are the fleshly enjoyment, money, fame, and family. Don’t all these come from satan? Aren’t they all hated and loathed by God? God is holy. He comes to correct our viewpoints of pursuit to rid us of these corruptions, and thus to restore us to the normal life man should have. How could God possibly satisfy these fleshly desires of mine? Now I was suddenly enlightened. It isn’t that God’s requirement for me is high but that my viewpoint of pursuit is wrong. What I pursued is not how to gain the truth and how to be compatible with God, but sought the meaningless, worthless, and superficial things. All that God had arranged for me today is the best blessing God gives me. After I came out of that state, I really felt relaxed. When reading God’s word I could also receive inspiration. I was indeed like a fish getting into water!
From God’s word, I have seen God’s righteous nature, God’s holiness, and even more seen God’s salvation for me. At the same time, I have also found the path that I should walk—to pursue the life and the truth. Otherwise, I will only labor but gain nothing and will be cast away by God. Thank God that he has saved me in time, correcting my viewpoint of pursuit and rescuing me from the darkness, so that I can step onto the bright journey of human life.
Suzhou City, Anhui Province