I am an elderly sister in my 60’s. One day, when I read God’s word “Though I feel no loathing for the old brothers and sisters, I have no interest in them either,” I could not help but have a notion about God. I thought, “Since God dislikes the old and has no interest in them, why has he selected me?” I could not figure it out in any way. I fell into passivity: Forget it. Anyway, God doesn’t like me; no matter how I may exert myself, God will still be disgusted with me. Thus, I no longer sang hymns or read God’s word, and no longer wanted to perform my duty.
After learning that my state was not good, a sister of our church came to my home to see me. When she knew why I became passive, she opened together with me the book of God’s word. I read God’s words: “When I come into contact with the old brothers and sisters, … these people are permeated with the flavor of society, such repugnant things as religious notions, experience of dealing with matters, ways of speaking, and wording in speaking…. It is not that such people are detestable, but that their ‘wisdom,’ notions, and philosophy of life are too disgusting…. So, many times, I have been upset about this and hated mankind….”
After I read God’s words, my heart gradually felt brightened, and my notion about God was dispelled accordingly. By the word “Though I feel no loathing for the old brothers and sisters, I have no interest in them either,” God did not mean that he dislikes my being old, but that he feels loathing for such corruptions as my philosophy of life, old notions, crookedness and craftiness. God is pleased with those who are simple and open before God and those who are simply obedient to God. As for myself, I often harbored notions about God, could not accept new things easily, and often could not simply obey God. How could such a person as me receive God’s pleasure? Today, I have understood that God said that word not to dampen my enthusiasm, still less to make me give myself up as hopeless. Rather, God hoped that I can know my lack and deficiencies in God’s word and can truly hate my corruptions and pursue to be transformed, so that I can be a person simply obedient to God and can be perfected and gained by God. However, I did not understand God’s intention in the slightest but instead was full of the notion about God’s word. I thought that since God did not love the old, he should not have selected me, and I even became so passive that I was unwilling to perform my duty. I really mistook good for bad and misunderstood God’s kind intention.
O God, thank you that your words have dispelled the notion in my heart. From now on, I will no longer be restrained by my being old. I will accept your present words, be simply obedient before you, treat my lack and deficiencies properly, and pursue the transformation of my nature actively, so as to be a person whom you are pleased with.
The following day, I began to perform my duty again, happily.
Benxi City, Liaoning Province