“Only in refining can your love for God be revealed. Only through things contrary to your notions happening to you can you be perfected. God will perfect you through many adverse things and negative things, causing you to have knowledge through many deeds of satan, many accusations of satan, and many manifestations of satan in many people and thus perfecting you.” When I read this passage of God’s word before, I never understood it. I wondered, “How can adverse things and negative things perfect man?” Thank God! Through a matter I have understood the real meaning of these words.
Because I have an unbelieving family and my husband particularly opposes my belief in God, I often got worried for being unable to perform duties. But I could not perform any other duty, so I initiatively asked God’s family to let me go out to do hosting. Last fall, my wish was finally fulfilled. I thought, “Now I can host the brothers and sisters without restraint. Thank God for having gratified my heart’s desire.”
In this summer, there was a period when the weather was very hot. The sister in charge of the work came to my place once in a long time, and sometimes she did not come even in a month. Living here alone, I felt bored and thought of my family unconsciously. Once, the sister came. Seeing me in poor health, she asked me to go home and stay for a time. When I heard that, a ray of secret pleasure crossed my mind: “Isn’t this what my heart desires? Besides, I’ve been out for so long; I wonder how my family are now. Do they live a good life without me? And my little grandson, does he have anyone to look after him? …” The scenes at home flashed before my eyes like a film.
On the way home, I began to imagine: My family will surely be very glad to see me back; my little grandson will certainly run to me and let me hold him…. But unexpectedly, as soon as I entered the gate, I was stupefied by the scene before me. The home which I had made with my own hands was no longer as peaceful and tranquil as before, but was occupied by others. It turned out that, after I left, my old man (my second husband) had taken his daughter’s family over there to eat and live. And his old mistress was there as well. When I saw this scene, my head buzzed at once. The whole house had been made a pandemonium and a mess. At that moment, I was so angry that I really wanted to yell out: “You all get out; this is my home!” Thanks to God’s keeping, I did not do that. I knew that I, who performed the duty of hosting, should safeguard the interests of God’s family and should not act according to my temper, so I fought down my anger and did not vent it. The ones who grieved me more were my children whom I had raised for many years and my husband whom I had accompanied for many years. At my return, they did not have that pleasant surprise as I had imagined; instead, they were quite indifferent, even with hostility. Seeing all this, I was heartbroken. I ran into my room alone, shut the door, and gave free rein to my tears. I wept so aggrievedly and sorrowfully. Suddenly, I thought of Job. When he lost his sons and daughters and his vast wealth, he could realize that “the LORD gave and the LORD has taken away.” In that age, God did not speak so many words to him, and he did not see so many mysteries or know so many truths; yet he could uphold the testimony for God when satan carried out its schemes. Today, I have enjoyed so many rich supplies from God, known the origin of man, and known “here is no true affection or true love in the world” as God discloses; how much more should I uphold the testimony for God? Then, I remembered God’s words: “…when you encounter a thing and you need to undergo suffering, at this time you should understa when you encounter something and you have to undergo suffering, you should try to understand what is God’s will and how you should care for God’s will, you should not satisfy yourself but drop yourself first as the flesh is a lowest thing, and you should seek to satisfy God and should fulfill your duty. When you think that way, God will greatly inspire you in that thing, and your heart will be comforted.” God’s words gave me faith. I immediately felt much relieved and had strength all over. And I finally understood the inner meaning of God’s words that he perfects man through adverse things and negative things. Through these things, God intended to perfect me and also to test me. However, I was so ignorant and blind. At the moment, I felt deeply indebted to God. What I had said before God were all high doctrines and they did not represent my true stature. Today, in the presence of the fact, I was really put to shame. This exposing caused me to have a new knowledge: This is not my home! It does not pay for me to quarrel or fight with them, for God’s home is my true home and my eternal destination. Today, the only priceless treasure is to gain God, and my only true goal should be to pursue the truth. Under the encouragement of God’s love, I left that “home” that very night. And I made this resolution: From now on, I will follow God resolutely, give my heart to God, and no longer concern myself with those worthless and meaningless things.
Fuyang City, Anhui Province