Because my family sister (my wife) was about to be transferred to some other place to perform her duty, for several days my heart was very distressed. Before her departure, I had a lot of innermost thoughts and feelings to say to her. I wanted to tell her that though we would be apart in two places, our hearts would be together forever. I wanted to tell her to come back to see our son and me often and to give me a call often….
God searches hearts and minds. When I had these thoughts and hadn’t spoken them out, God’s words guided me inside: “I still want to advise you not to do things that are not in accordance with the truth, but do things that all people like, do things that are beneficial to all people….” Then my heart somewhat woke up. I realized that the words I wanted to say were not beneficial to my family sister and would affect her state and make her unable to settle down to perform her duty, even less were they beneficial to the work of God’s family. But if I did not say them, I felt distressed in my heart. I was really unwilling to give up the last chance to tell her my innermost thoughts and feelings before our parting. At that moment I felt tormented beyond measure. After much thinking, I still wanted to speak them out. Then, God’s words came to me: “Behind every work God does on you, satan is making a wager with God, and there is a war. For example, you have a prejudice against a brother or a sister, and you want to say something, but you feel that it will not please God and yet you suffer within. At such a time, you will begin to undergo a war within: Should I speak or not? This is a war. So behind every matter there is a war. When you are undergoing a war within, through your cooperating practically and undergoing the suffering practically, God will work on you. In the end, you will be able to let the matter go in your heart…. Outwardly, you may see that the things are not big, but when such things happen to you, you will be revealed as to whether you love God. If you love God, you will be able to stand for God’s testimony. If you do not practice loving God, it shows that you are not a person who practices the truth and that you have no truth and no life, and you are chaff! Every time you encounter something, it will be the time God needs you to stand for his testimony. Although now you do not encounter any big thing and you are not required to bear any great testimony, all the details of your daily life have to do with God’s testimony.” The war in my heart gradually subsided. I understood that this was a war in the spiritual realm, behind which satan wagered with God, waiting to see whether I would obey God or follow my flesh. I also understood that to bear testimony, I needed to practically cooperate with God and practically undergo suffering. I would rather endure pain to abandon what I loved and suffer in my heart than say those words to distract my family sister. I should do something beneficial to the work of God’s family and to the brothers and sisters, so as to satisfy God for once. God’s words changed my thoughts. So, I said to her, “This circumstance is a great opportunity for God to perfect us. While you are away from home, you should perform your duty wholeheartedly, and not consider the affairs in our home. If not for special things, don’t come home; and if there is nothing important, don’t call us. Seize this last good opportunity to prepare good deeds. I experience at home and this is also a good chance for God to perfect me in living independently. I hope we both will offer up our best portion to God on the way of belief in God; and let’s see who can bear a strong and resounding testimony in this situation.” In this way, I saw my family sister off, very happily.
Thank God for his inspiration and leading. Although I suffered within and my flesh was not satisfied, I have finally satisfied God. My heart feels assured and peaceful and I no longer feel accused within. It is God’s words that have led me to come out of all this. To God be all the glory and praise!
Hengshui City, Hebei Province