“If when you look for a partner in marriage God arranges a like-minded person for you and you two are kindhearted and love each other, how blessed you are. …” Whenever I read these words, I always expected in my heart that some day I could have a happy marriage, a tender and virtuous wife, and a warm happy little family. It was so especially when in the previous period I read this in the Fellowship of the Man: “If one unmarried person pursues another unmarried person, this is legal courtship and the church should not restrict it. But it must be based on the principle of not disturbing the church life. If it brings any bad influence in the circumstances of the church life, he should be dealt with and pruned. With how he has a love affair in his personal life, the church should not interfere at all.” After I read these words, my heart could not calm down for a long while. I felt that God was really too considerate of man’s “weakness,” and that I could get married in the future. Then I began to entertain a wild hope. For quite a long time I lived in such a state.
Before long, in The Replies to the Questions from the Churches in Various Places (6) I read these words: “Outwardly we have given up our marriage for God, no longer looking for a mate or pursuing enjoyment. But in our heart we pay special attention to these things and still long for these things. We always expect that some day we can, like others, have a happy and perfect family and have a good spouse, so that we can not only have ourselves attended to and cared for but also perform some duty. It is very dangerous if we have these things within and do not resolve them. Once the circumstance is suitable and the opportunity arrives, they will cause us to rebel against God and leave God…. Besides, we need to see clearly that we, deeply corrupted by satan, have no humanity, our nature has not yet been transformed, and we may give full play to our brutish nature and rebel against God at any time. Even if we find a brother (or a sister) to marry now, we will not be happy. When one has the working of the Holy Spirit, he looks very good and agreeable; once he loses the working of the Holy Spirit, he will show his true colors, without any humanity. So, we won’t be happy if we find some believer in God and marry. … Today we can give up our marriage for God and consecrate our whole life, in which there is a quite profound significance; only, we cannot see it through. But there is one thing we must believe: Whatever God requires us to do is for saving us and for us to have a good destination. … Although looking for a mate legally is not sinning, we should not seek a loophole in this respect and take advantage of it….” I also read these words of God: “You should suffer for the truth…. Do not discard the truth because of enjoying the harmony of your family. Do not lose your dignity and integrity for your whole life because of temporary enjoyment. You should pursue all the beautiful and good things and pursue a more meaningful path of life. You live such a vulgar life and do not have any goal to pursue, so aren’t you idling away your life? What can you gain? You should give up all your fleshly enjoyments for one truth. You should not discard all the truths for the sake of a little enjoyment. Such a person has no integrity and no dignity, and it is meaningless for him to live!” After reading this, I was suddenly enlightened in my heart. The life I yearn for: to get married and start a career on earth, to bear and raise children, to have connubial love, and so on; isn’t all this a depraved and vulgar life? I did not adapt myself to God’s work or know the lowliness of my pursuit, but instead, I sought a loophole in God’s word and wanted to take advantage of it, dreaming of building a happy family. Isn’t such a pursuit of mine exactly running counter to God’s intention? Am I not rebelling against God and acting against Heaven? At the same time, I understand that it is fully just and proper to be able to drop my marriage for God today, and it is also what I should do. If I really got married, I would probably be ruined in it. I can’t follow in the footsteps of the failures. O God, thank you for your inspiration and guidance. If it weren’t for such work of yours, I would still be deeply asleep in the “pleasant dream” woven by myself, and I do not know when I would wake up. O God, I do not want to live so vulgarly anymore. Now I am willing to consecrate myself to you, pursue the beautiful and good things, pursue the meaningful way of human life, and leave nothing to regret in my life.
Hengshui City, Hebei Province