In September 2004, God’s family assigned me to perform my duty in a place. Because the circumstance of the host home was undesirable, I had to go out early in the morning and come back late in the evening every day.
Once, the brother in charge of my work said to me: “If you cannot go back to the host home at noon, buy some food to eat outside and don’t go hungry….” Hearing these words, I felt that God’s family was so considerate to me, and I thought I must do my utmost to perform my duty to satisfy God.
Later, sometimes after I finished my work long before it got dark, I went for a stroll in the department stores. In this way, as time passed, my heart was attracted by those fashionable clothes and a myriad of beautiful goods. I thought: If only I could go to earn money! In that case I could afford to buy these beautiful clothes and so I would not be looked down upon by others. Imperceptibly, I was entrapped by money.
One noon, when I was strolling around in a supermarket, an idea suddenly welled up in my mind: If I eat less and save part of the money of having meal outside, won’t I be able to save quite a sum after some time? Since I cannot go out to earn money, isn’t it quite proper for me to use my saved money to buy something I like? So, I saved one yuan from my lunch money and pocketed it. At that moment, I was rebuked within, feeling it was not proper to do so. But then I thought that it was the money I saved by myself and so it would not matter.
The next day, I secretly made up my mind: This morning I’ll eat much breakfast at the host home to save the money of the lunch…. Just in this way, I had put aside six yuan in several days. Then I made a further calculation: If I save some from the money God’s family gives me for bus fares and phone calls, then won’t I have more money of “my own”?
Just when I stretched my evil hands further and further, God’s stern words of judgment came to me. One day, I read these words of God: “All your manifestations are extremely unrighteous. How can I put you all in the holy place where the righteous are? Do you think that your despicable deeds can separate you from the unrighteous? … And your hands that are stained with the blood of the unclean spirit will eventually pull your soul to hell. Why do you not take this opportunity to wash and clean your hands that are stained with filthiness? … Are you willing to suffer the fire of hell for your hands and tongue and lips?”
God’s words, like a sharp two-edged sword, went straight to my heart. Checking my behavior of these days against God’s words, I felt unbearably ashamed. God’s family was considerate toward my weakness, and gave me lunch money to prevent me going hungry in performing my duty. However, I did not know to repay God’s grace, but on the contrary, to satisfy my fleshly desires, I used despicable and crafty means to deceive God’s family and the brothers and sisters, secretly saving money from my meal and keeping it for myself. And I even tried schemes to take the money that God’s family gave me for my other expenses in performing the duty. I lack conscience and reason too much! My personality is too low! Is my conduct different from Judas’ stealing the money in the purse to spend? In the past, I always thought that I was not in charge of the money of God’s family so I wouldn’t possibly offend God in respect of money. Besides, the matter of Judas selling the Lord for money had circulated for thousands of years, and it had become a negative example ridiculed and spurned by everyone, so I would never do the things as Judas did. I was really too arrogant and ignorant of myself! Now exposed by the fact, I have realized that Judas’ behavior is not far from my life but can flow out from the substance of my nature anytime and anywhere. If God’s word had not come to me in time, my evil hands would stretch further and further, and finally, like Judas, I would do things to offend God’s nature seriously and then be loathed and rejected by God because of my greedy nature. I was in so dangerous a state!
From now on, I will, with a fear of God, be cautious of my actions and behavior at all times, accept the searching of God’s Spirit in everything, accept the chastisement and judgment of God’s word, try to know my greedy nature more deeply, and pursue to be a nature-transformed person.
Linyi City, Shandong Province