In coordinating service, I often had prejudices against brothers and sisters because of some trivial matters. Through dissection, I realized the cause was that I was too arrogant and too jealous by nature. From then on, every day I examined myself, dealt with myself, and did my utmost to restrain myself in this aspect. Despite the great effort I made, whenever I encountered suitable circumstances, I still had a relapse. For this reason I often became passive and distressed. So I began to judge that I would be finished and could not be changed, and lost my confidence to pursue to be transformed.
Just when I felt pessimistic and despondent, God’s words inspired me: “Now you should not pay attention to things of the negative aspect. Lay aside for now everything that can cause you to be passive. When doing things, you should have a seeking and groping heart and have a heart that obeys God. When you find that you have weak points, you should not be restricted by them but perform all the functions you should perform. This is making progress actively.” “If new positive things occupy you, the old negative things will have no place. So you should not pay attention to those negative things. You do not need to try hard to suppress them yourself. You should pay attention to being quiet before God, eating and drinking and enjoying God’s word much and singing hymns to praise God much, so that God can have opportunities to work on you. …”
God’s words pointed out the deviation in my practice and opened the way up for me ahead. And I felt enlightened all at once. Yes! I did not, in God’s word, try to know myself or look for the ways of practice and actively enter in, but only knew to deal with myself and restrain myself blindly, often being passive and distressed. Wasn’t I punishing myself and bringing trouble upon myself? Only then did I realize that I had no power to overcome sin, much less possessed the truth. As I did not pay attention to entering in from the positive respect, or pay attention to eating and drinking God’s word, seeking God’s intention, and practicing according to God’s word, the Holy Spirit had no chance to work on me. So, no matter how I restrained myself by my willpower, I would not gain any transformation. This is because the more attention I paid to the negative things, the less able I was to quiet my heart before God. Since my whole being had been occupied by the negative things, how could I gain the working of the Holy Spirit? Without the working of the Holy Spirit or the correct way to practice, how could I have myself transformed? And how could I not become passive?
O God, it is your inspiration and enlightenment that has released me! Now, I no longer pay attention to those negative things. I am willing to be quiet before you, draw near to you more often, and find the relevant truths in your word to correct my passive state. May you work on me, so that I can soon be delivered from the bonds of the power of darkness and live in the light of your presence.
Heze City, Shandong Province