Once, when I was at a meeting with the deacons, the gospel deacon said that her husband persecuted her for her belief in God and she was very restrained in performing her duty. She also feared that her husband would bring troubles to the church, and she did not know what to practice. As for the problem the sister raised, I had no idea how to fellowship to solve it. But then I thought, “I’m the one holding the meeting today. If I cannot fellowship, how disgraceful it is.” So, I forced myself to start my talk. Actually, I knew what I was fellowshipping were merely some regulations and doctrinal words. As a result, the more I talked, the drier my words became. And I was not assured in my heart. The sister had her head down in silence. Such a depressing and dreary atmosphere left me at a loss what to do.
In anxiety, I had to pray to and seek God. Then God inspired me: “If you feel what you have are doctrines and speaking them is useless and does not edify the people, in this case, no matter how you speak, the Holy Spirit will not work. If you force yourself to speak, absurdity and deviation may occur, which can lead the people astray. … Man has vanity within. Sometimes you are governed by your vanity, though you know perfectly well that what you are speaking are doctrines and you are also clear in your heart. ‘The people below might not perceive it; for the sake of my face, I don’t care about that. It is pressing to cope with the situation!’ Isn’t that fooling the people? It is also being unfaithful to God! If you are a person who understands the truth, you will feel rebuked within. You cannot speak anymore; you should change the subject and fellowship about something of which you have experience, or you may talk about some knowledge of the truth. If you can’t talk about it clearly, fellowship about it together! It is not good that one person alone is talking all the time.” God’s words made me feel ashamed and disgraced. I have not experienced the difficulty the sister encounters, and I am not clear what to practice in this matter is in accordance with the truth. However, to preserve my face, though I clearly knew what I was talking were doctrines and I did not have the working of the Holy Spirit, I still forced myself to talk endlessly. Wasn’t my vanity too strong? Was I not fooling the people? If I continue to talk like this, I not only cannot solve the sister’s difficulty, but will lead her astray and make her only observe some regulations. Then won’t I become a person who does evil and resists God? I can’t force myself to go on. So, I changed the subject and fellowshipped with the sister about the truth of God’s almightiness, and we both received inspiration. By the knowledge of the truth that God is Almighty and rules over and manipulates everything, the sister gained faith and also opened her mouth to fellowship. She was determined to rely on God and free herself from satan’s power by wisdom.
Through this experience I understood: When I meet the problems concerning which I have no practical experiences, if I cannot drop myself but force myself to talk doctrines, I will only harm others and myself and be loathed by God. If I can truly rebel against myself, fellowship with the brothers and sisters with an open heart, and look to God and seek God’s inspiration together with them, we will receive the working of the Holy Spirit and the difficulties will be solved. Thank and praise the Almighty God!
Heze City, Shandong Province