Since I accepted God’s end-time work, I had held an imagination, thinking that when a person had the working of the Holy Spirit, he would enjoy himself remarkably, and even to a degree. Because I did not know the working of the Holy Spirit, I always pursued this feeling, but I had never gained it. Then I often lived in passivity, thinking that I did not have the working of the Holy Spirit and I was not one God wanted to save.
At one meeting, I heard a sister fellowship how greatly she was moved by God in her prayer, and how much enjoyment she had…. After hearing that, I thought: Why do I not have that feeling? It seems that I indeed have not the working of the Holy Spirit…. The more I thought, the more my heart sank: Anyway I have not the working of the Holy Spirit; my previous prayers and eating and drinking of God’s word were in vain, and I am certainly one to be eliminated by God. Since I will die sooner or later, I simply do not pursue anymore.” Thus, I discontinued my morning prayers, and reluctantly lived the church life. Gradually, I was even unwilling to eat and drink God’s word and felt everything disagreeable to me. My heart was so empty that I did not have any joy of living.
When I was unbearably distressed, God guided me: the truth can resolve all of man’s problems. So, I opened the book of God’s word and read these words: “…all supernatural things, such as, being greatly moved by the Holy Spirit, receiving great joy, going to the third heaven, receiving great enjoyment when exercising at ordinary time, and receiving great enjoyment when reading God’s word, are unrealistic. All the work of the Holy Spirit is normal and very realistic. When you read God’s word and pray, you feel brightened and peaceful within, are not disturbed by outward things, only want to love God within, want to contact positive things, and loathe the evil world. This is living in God. You will not receive any great enjoyment as people say. All those sayings are unrealistic.” “Of course, in this age of today, the Holy Spirit still gives people some moving for them to enjoy and lives with people; that is the some special feelings of enjoyment which you often have in your life.” God’s words cured my inner disease, and the dark clouds which had accumulated in my heart for days were dispelled. I understood this: The working of the Holy Spirit is not enjoyable to a degree, exceedingly enjoyable, as I imagined; rather, it is very normal and realistic, not supernatural at all. Today, when I read God’s words, I can relate them to my state, can solve my practical difficulty, and feel assured and brightened in my heart; isn’t this the working of the Holy Spirit? Not until then did I realize that the “enjoyment” I pursued before was just my own imagination, and was a vague thing that was not compatible with God’s word. I also understood that such a moving as the sister received is also the working of the Holy Spirit, but that occurs only on some special occasions; the Holy Spirit does not always work that way. Wasn’t that view of mine taking one part for the whole and too unrealistic? Through this matter, I also saw that when one does not understand the truth of a certain aspect, he should actively and initiatively seek to understand the truth in God’s word; he cannot judge accurately according to his imagination or an individual case, and that will only harm himself and bring loss to his life.
God, thank you! It is your word that has resolved my erroneous knowledge and led me out of vagueness and passivity. O God, in the future, no matter what happens to me or what difficulty I meet, I will not rely on my mental imaginations; I only want to look at things from your word and live by your word.
Tangshan City, Hebei Province