God says: “Every one of you may rebel against me and return under satan’s authority, and return to satan’s camp and resume your old life. …” As to this word of God, I could not relate it to myself at first. I thought that I would never rebel against God. But later, in the presence of the fact I was sincerely convinced.
Before I accepted God’s end-time work, I had been engaged to a girl. We had a deep affection for each other, and we accepted the Almighty God at the same time. But unexpectedly, she later left God and returned to the world. And she called me frequently. Every time I received her call, my heart was greatly disturbed. Once she called me again and asked me to go to her. After I put down the phone, my heart could not calm down: To go or not to go? If I go, it means to rebel against God. If I don’t go, my engagement will hardly be kept. In the dilemma, I did not know how to make a choice. I sank into a painful struggle and even could not get to sleep at night. No matter who fellowshipped with me, I could not take in his wards. All day I had this matter on my mind, which made me dizzy. In my agony, God’s words constantly gave me warning within me. God says: “…those who run away in the work of judgment, will be rejected by God forever. … These people who are not even worthy to do service will suffer a severer punishment and an eternal punishment.” At the thought of God’s words, I dared not leave God. But her figure flashed in my mind every now and then. At this time, my heart was greatly tormented and my head seemed to be ready to explode. I was overwhelmed with sorrow and was emaciated because of her. Helpless, I turned on the recorder to listen to the hymns. When I heard the hymn “He Who Has a Conscience Should Repay God’s Love,” my heart sank into meditation with the words…. I recalled that during the years of my following God, I had often grieved God but God’s hand of love sustained me all along; and that I had made many oaths before God but had never loved God with a true heart. I sang this hymn for several times, tears streaming down my cheeks unrestrainedly. At the moment, I felt God was inspiring me greatly, and I remembered God’s words: “You have not rebelled against me in one thing, but this does not prove that you will not rebel against me in everything. Some people lose their faith to seek the truth in the frustration of their marriages. … And so on. Aren’t all these immoral and even unhuman doings people’s acts that they have rebelled against me in the depths of their heart long ago? … Then are you thinking about how to retrieve these rebellions and how to change your present situation?” God’s every word of judgment pricked my heart, and my conscience was stung sharply. In the past, I did not admit that I would rebel against God. Today I saw that anytime and anywhere I could leave God and return to satan’s camp and resume my old life. I also truly realized that my inherent nature was rebelliousness. Then I thought: Since she (my fiancée) has now rebelled against God, why should I be reluctant to part with her? I can’t rebel against God because of her.
Thank God for his keeping! I gained discernment. I could not but fall down before God: “O God! You arranged such circumstances for me and thoroughly exposed my corrupt substance so that I have known myself. O God, your love for me is so deep. I can’t leave you, and can’t be conscienceless. I will requite your love for me and uphold the testimony for you before satan.” Stimulated by God’s love, I finally awakened from the nightmare and completely came out of the whirlpool of pain. Even now when I think back to this experience, I feel somewhat afraid. If it had not been for the severe judgment of God’s words, I would have returned to satan’s camp. It is God who has saved me. It is God’s words that have aroused my heart. I cannot help giving heartfelt gratitude and praise to God.
Fuyang City, Anhui Province