Due to the need of the work, I left home to perform my duty. Because I did not go back for a long time, the people in my former denomination and my relatives and friends said all kinds of things about me. “She must have run away with someone else.” “She appears to be virtuous, but she actually does that kind of thing outside.” “She’ll regret some day.” … Hearing these opinions, I was very distressed, feeling wronged and aggrieved. But in the face of these sneers and slanders, I had another thought, “Humph! You wait and see. Now is the period when God works in a hidden way. It is temporary for us to endure the suffering of being misunderstood and slandered. When God appears publicly, let’s see whether it is you or I who will regret.” With the expectation that “God will right the wrong for me,” I no longer felt distressed. Once, I remember, when I became so passive in refining as to want to drop out, I suddenly thought of those who slandered me. “No! I can’t drop out. If I should, because of this rebellion, also suffer punishment in the future, I will be ridiculed by them. At that time, how embarrassed I will be. Forget it. I’d better hold on. I can’t take the road back; I can’t withdraw, simply for the sake of winning credit. I’ll let those who look down on me and those who ridicule and mock and slander me all know that the path I walk is right.” From then on, I lived by this goal, feeling nothing wrong about it.
One day, in Christ’s Talks with Some Church Workers, I came across God’s words: “But now people live not simply for believing in God or for gaining God’s word. They have many more goals and many more yearnings. … Most people live for the goal of receiving blessings. Others live for winning credit, and that is even more wrong! … And still others say to themselves, ‘Alas, if we cannot believe properly and if God’s work should be futile on us, we will be cursed. Then we will feel ashamed to see the world. Never again will we have the face to see those who mocked and slandered us before!’ The meaning behind their words is simply this: God, you must make me complete. If not, how ashamed I will be? Too ashamed to see others. This is people’s viewpoint within.” “If these original viewpoints and thoughts within you, the goals of your existence, and the foundation of your existence have not changed, then you are insecure and are likely to be in danger. This is because man has living thoughts every day. Man’s mind and man’s heart are both alive and will even always change with circumstances and with conditions. Now you are sitting here; maybe next time you will have gone somewhere or other, disappearing completely. How quickly you change!” After reading these words, I felt as if waking from a dream. The foundation on which I have been living all along is to win credit and hold my head high in the future; I have never pursued for gaining the truth or satisfying God. Such a viewpoint of mine is really too absurd, and such a pursuit of mine too pitiful. Now I have known that my pursuit is to build with wood, hay, and stubble in my work. If I do not correct it, some day I will fall, leave the true way, and rebel against God because God’s work does not fit my notions. O God, thank you that the guidance of your words has made me realize that the viewpoint of “believing in God for winning credit” is too absurd, and such a pursuit is too dangerous. The only proper pursuit for me is to take your word as the foundation of my existence, practice the truth in reality, and do my best to satisfy your heart’s desire in my duty. O God! I am willing to correct my wrong viewpoint of pursuing, be a pursuer of the truth, and live out a worthy and meaningful life.
Baoji City, Shaanxi Province