I Found the Way to Improve Relationships With Children (Part 2)
One day after dinner, I taught my eldest son how to read Chinese—just the simple words, “Heaven, earth, people, and, soil, daddy, mommy....” I taught him quite a few times, but he still couldn’t write them. He would write the first word and then forget the next one. The anger inside me rose up, I scowled at him and shouted loudly: “How stupid you are! You cannot even learn these few words!” My eldest son was frightened into running to stand in the corner. I scolded him, “Come over here and keep writing!” My eldest son did not come over, so I grabbed hold of him and pulled him onto the chair. Seeing my eldest son’s pitiful look, I felt a stabbing pain in my heart. I cried and returned to my room and prayed to God: “God! As soon as my child displeased me, I could not control my anger. I don’t want to treat my children like this. God, may You help me.” After praying, I slowly calmed down.
Later, I taught him as usual, but he still did not learn. I remembered praying to God and I did not get angry again. At the same time, I also started to reflect on myself. Why could I not control my temper when my child did not please me? Whilst reflecting on this, I thought of a passage of God’s words: “Once a man has status, he will often find it difficult to control his mood, and so he will enjoy seizing upon instances to express his dissatisfaction and vent his emotions; he will often flare up into rage for no apparent reason, so as to reveal his ability and let others know that his status and identity are different from those of ordinary people. Of course, corrupt people without any status will also frequently lose control. Their anger is frequently caused by damage to their individual benefits. In order to protect their own status and dignity, corrupt mankind will frequently vent their emotions and reveal their arrogant nature” (“God Himself, the Unique II” in The Word Appears in the Flesh). “Some exercise restraint in their anger, while others are more rash and flare up with rage whenever they wish without the least bit of restraint. In short, man’s anger derives from his corrupt disposition. No matter what its purpose, it is of the flesh and of nature; it has nothing to do with justice or injustice because nothing in man’s nature and substance corresponds to the truth” (“God Himself, the Unique II” in The Word Appears in the Flesh). Through what God’s words revealed, I saw that I was too deeply corrupted by Satan and too arrogant and domineering, always suppressing and forcing my children in my identity and status as their mother and as soon as they did not meet my demands and standards, I could not stop myself from getting angry and chiding them. I actually had no reason at all. Was the reason why I got so angry with my son not because his results from taking the school entrance test were the worst of all the children? This made me feel a loss of face in front of others. “Treating my child so strictly and disregarding his feelings today is not all for his own good or to make him quickly improve his academic performance, but to gratify my own vanity and desire for status. I’m too selfish and despicable! It is because of my arrogant, selfish corrupt disposition that I cannot obey God and always want to break free from God’s mastery and arrangements and want to arrange everything for my children based on my own ability and finally bring myself and my children so much pain.” When I thought of this, I hated myself and no longer wished to live by Satan’s corrupt disposition and be fooled by Satan. So I prayed to God and asked God to keep my heart, to guide me through His words, and to arrange even more environments to change and cleanse me. Subsequently, I no longer demanded too much of my son. Instead, I patiently taught him and did my best to be a mother. Slowly, I no longer worried because my children did not learn, and felt especially relaxed and happy. When I looked at my two children again, I realized that they were really cute and lively, and I realized then how unfair it was for my children when I always made them live my way and grow into the standard image in my mind.
Subsequently, what surprised me was that my children began to change. Before, they did not have any concentration in their studies and couldn’t sit properly when doing their homework, slumping over the table and wanting to play after writing just a few words. Now they were actually able to sit down and do their homework diligently. Over the past few days, my eldest son had been unable to learn the Chinese characters I taught him many times, but now he remembered them after I said them just one or two times and could read four or five characters together. This really surprised me; more unexpectedly, whereas before my two sons often fought when they were together, now they had suddenly become well-behaved and no longer fought. My eldest son even proactively gave his favorite things to his younger brother. When my husband saw the transformation of our sons, he asked me in amazement how I had educated our children and why they had suddenly become smart and sensible. I thought to myself: How is this what I have taught them? This is a wonderful act of God!
After experiencing this, I calmed down to reflect on my previous methods of educating my children. I had always educated and controlled my children from my position as a mother, to make them listen to me and do what I said. I thought that this was the way to educate children well. In fact, when I educated my children in this way, not only did they not achieve, but they actually became more and more antagonistic. But when I renounced my flesh and stopped living by selfish, arrogant satanic disposition and became willing to obey God’s dominion and arrangements, entrust my children to God and fulfill my duty and responsibilities as a mother, my children became obedient and sensible. Now I understand that only God has the authority and the power and that only God’s words can change people and make us live out our lives in the likeness of real men. So I shall exalt God and let God wield power in our home. As it is said in the fellowship from the above: “When you bring God into your real life, the first thing is to bring God into your home life. In your home life, if people used to be in charge of your family, then you must remove them from their position. You must dispel all idols, make God’s words the master of your home, and allow Christ to rule. Husband and wife, father and son, mother and daughter—they must all read and commune God’s words together. If there are any problems or disagreements, these can be resolved through prayer, reading the words of God, and communing the truth. Do not do as you used to, listening to someone. People shouldn’t do as other people say, they should magnify Christ, and allow the words of Christ to rule their family, allow the words of God to take charge in their home. Is this not bringing God’s words into your real life?”
So, I said to my children: “From today onward, mommy will not lose her temper unreasonably or yell at you again. If you do wrong, mommy will patiently tell you and if mommy does wrong, mommy will apologize to you. Let’s study the word of God together and grow together in God’s words and not do things that God does not like, okay?” My sons happily said: “Okay!” Later, I practiced no longer using my status as their mother to suppress them. When we faced some issues, we all respected God as great and let Christ wield power in our home. Sometimes I spoke to them loudly and they told me: “Mommy, God will not love you when you are like this.” When they did something wrong, I would also explain to them the reason and tell them how God likes us to act and every time they listened very carefully. Slowly, my relationship with my children became more and more close. I often read God’s words to them and listened to the hymns of God’s word with them. When they returned from school before, they always watched cartoons such as “Robots” on the iPad. Nowadays, my children often say to me: “Mommy, we will watch the iPad for a while, but we won’t watch what you don’t like. Can we watch videos of the hymns of God’s word?” Then they quietly watch them, and sometimes they can watch them for more than an hour.
Thanks be to Almighty God for changing mine and my children’s lives with His words! In the past I was ignorant and foolish and disciplined my children based on my own arrogant nature. I didn’t know to bring my children before God and as a result the more I disciplined them, the more rebellious they became. Now I understand that only God’s words can change us and make us live out the likeness of a real man. From now on, I will learn to exalt God’s word and bring the children to believe in and follow God. All glory belongs to Almighty God!