Some time ago, I heard about the falling down of certain leading brothers and sisters: some of them returned to the world because they were dismissed from their positions and could not experience forward, some became Judases in prison because they could not stand the cruel torture by the great red dragon, some were expelled because of committing sins in sexual relations…. When I heard that, I could not calm down for a long while, thinking, “They’ve been leaders for many years and heard so many truths, but they’ve fallen down. Why didn’t God inspire them to understand his intention and keep them standing at the critical times?” Considering them, I thought of myself: I’m small in stature and have equipped myself with few truths. If any great trial comes upon me and God does not inspire or keep me, how can I stand? Won’t I fall sooner or later? The more I thought, the more I was down in my spirit. I felt uncertain about the path ahead of me.
One day, in Christ’s Talks with Some Church Workers, I read these two passages of God’s word: “His love contains his understanding of man, his discerning of man, and his thorough knowledge of man. His love is not muddled, not pretended, not hollow or void, but real and practical. When he sees that you are deficient and ignorant in a certain respect, he pities you, and he also loves you and always moves you. … He values each person very much. Since he saves man, he will bear the responsibility to the end. But some people were shiftless and slipped down themselves. Before some people left, the Holy Spirit particularly moved them and urged them to stay, but some of them simply refused to stay. God really loves man so much, but man is unworthy to be loved by God….” “While walking this path, you should have your own choice. How to choose is very crucial to everyone. If you are aware of this, then do you have a strong power to restrain yourself? Do you have a great strength to forsake yourself? This is the prerequisite to practicing the truth and is a key link. Every time something comes upon you, and every time you do something, when you can realize what to do is in accordance with the truth, how will you choose? And what should you practice? You have to get these straight before you have a way to go.”
Reading these words, I felt brightened gradually. Yes, God is a God who loves man, and a God who saves man. God tries his utmost to save every person and treasures and values every soul very much. He loves man really and practically. Since he saves man, he will be responsible for man to the end. He works on everyone in different degrees, moving, inspiring, and guiding him. Particularly as to man’s weak points and fatal spots, God sees clearly and understands all of them. Without God’s leading or keeping, how could we have followed until today? As for those leaders, God’s family has trained them for so many years and they have heard so many truths. However, when encountering things they never cared for God’s heart but had very strong fleshly desires. They knew the truth but did not choose to satisfy God, and hardened their neck and forsook God. God does not want people to forsake and leave him; he always greatly moves and inspires them and urges them to stay, giving them many opportunities to turn back. If one forsakes God in the end, it simply shows that he is too disobedient, disappointing, and unworthy of God’s love. When God sees one whom he has trained for many years forsake and leave him, how sorrowful and grieved God’s heart is. Yet, when I heard that those leading brothers and sisters fell down, I even misunderstood God and thought that they fell simply because God did not inspire and keep them in time. Thus, I was worried that if one day I was in trials and God did not inspire or keep me, I would also fall and come to their end. This shows that I knew too little of God’s being of love. In retrospect, in my ordinary experience, when I was in some circumstances or trials, God always guided me as to how to act according to the truth and after God’s heart. But many times, because I had too strong a desire to seek ease and did not love the truth and did not choose to practice the truth, I had no testimony in the things I encountered. If God inspires and keeps us in ordinary, small matters, how much more will he exceptionally inspire and keep us in great trials? It is obvious that we men did not choose the truth, but I complained that God did not keep us, shifting all the blame onto God. I simply reversed right and wrong and was too lacking in common sense.
O God, thank you that through the inspiration of your words, you have made me realize your true love for man and led me out of my misgivings. I have known that if a man falls in trials, it is not because you do not inspire and keep him, but because he is too disobedient and does not choose you and the truth. From now on, I will equip myself with more truths, put more effort into dealing with my fatal spot, have an intense will to want you, and pursue to choose the truth and practice the truth and stand for your testimony in everything, so as to lay a foundation for standing the future great trials.
Benxi City, Liaoning Province