Christian Love: How to Get Over a Breakup
By Shuyi, South Korea
Early one morning at the start of summer, a faint fragrance permeated the air and sunlight poured into every corner. Qinyi, wearing a flower-patterned chiffon dress, sat feeling happy at the subway station, waiting for the next train to come. Turning her head, Qinyi happened to see on a video screen a girl breaking up with a boy because he had been two-timing her, then the girl turning away and leaving with tears running down her cheeks. Qinyi stared fixedly at the screen. Just then, she suddenly thought of how she had been before, when she had harbored a longing for a beautiful love where she and her boyfriend would walk through life together, but in the end, she had received only scars and wounds …
Ever since she was small, Qinyi loved to listen to the song, The Butterfly Lovers, and she loved even more to watch the TV opera, also called The Butterfly Lovers, within which the “Only when the mountains fall and heaven and earth are one will I be parted from you” love story of the protagonists always left her feeling profoundly moved. She hoped to also have a love which would last until the heavens and the earth grew old, and which would last for all her life.
In the year she turned 17, Qinyi met Yuhuan. He was gentle and considerate, and he always cared for Qinyi. Each time Qinyi felt unhappy because of the pressures of her life, Yuhuan always found a way to make her happy again. Qinyi loved to grumble about things, and listening was what Yuhuan did best…. Unknowingly, Qinyi found herself attracted to Yuhuan’s sense of humor and his understanding nature, and she asked herself more than once: “Is he the one for me?” Qinyi’s heart was swayed and, over time, they kept in touch more and more often. But the thing that confused Qinyi was that Yuhuan would sometimes not answer her calls, and would sometimes just turn his phone off. One day, Qinyi found out from a friend that Yuhuan was already married and that he had a son around one year old. This knowledge was completely beyond Qinyi’s ability to cope, and she almost collapsed when she heard it! She had thought of this love as one that would see her and Yuhuan together for the rest of their lives, and yet Yuhuan had totally deceived her. She just could not understand how Yuhuan could treat her this way and she felt extremely pained. In the dead of night, she would often hold her pillow and cry quietly. Qinyi had no desire to become the other woman who would destroy someone’s family, and so, after some inner struggle and, heedless of Yuhuan’s pitiful entreaties, she endured the pain and cut off all communication with him.
Several years later, Qinyi met Yuhuan again. Yuhuan suggested that they get together again and start anew, and Qinyi was slightly swayed. She thought: “It’s been years and Yuhuan’s feelings for me haven’t changed at all. If he really doesn’t love his wife, then I shall accept him.” Qinyi wanted Yuhuan to make a choice, and she told him in earnest that she would not carry on an affair with a married man. Unexpectedly, Yuhuan spoke with a look of scorn on his face, and said, “In this modern age, what man worth his salt doesn’t have two or three women on the go? ‘The red flag at home does not fall, the colored flags outside flutter in the breeze.’ Isn’t it just normal? You’re too conservative!” Yuhuan’s words stunned Qinyi. She never thought Yuhuan would say such a thing, and she felt as though she didn’t know him at all. She felt totally baffled: What had made Yuhuan so selfish and promiscuous?
She felt a little hurt. She never expected her first love to end up like this. But she still hoped, in the not-too-distant future, to find a love that would last her all her life.
Later, Qinyi went to South Korea, and a South Korean man by the name of Haoyu entered her life. Haoyu was very warm, he shared the same interests as Qinyi and he cared for her a great deal. Haoyu and Qinyi would often talk about everything under the sun, listen to music and sing songs together. Almost every day, Haoyu would send Qinyi messages asking how she was, and he took her to meet his parents. Haoyu’s appearance in Qinyi’s life in a foreign land brought comfort to her heart after having been hurt by her previous breakup. One time, Haoyu sang with deep affection to Qinyi, singing: “I’ll go with you to the ends of the earth. … We’ll grow old together, free from care or worry. …” Qinyi’s heart warmed to him, as what Haoyu was singing about was the love and the life that she wanted, and she hoped that Haoyu would be the one she could grow old with. Who could have known that the moment her heart began to move toward him would be the beginning of the end …
One time, Qinyi went with Haoyu and his friends out to eat and, during the meal, Haoyu answered a call. While he was on the phone, Qinyi heard him speak in a secretive tone, and her intuition told her that Haoyu was having a shady relationship with another girl. When she asked Haoyu, however, he vowed solemnly, guaranteeing that his feelings for Qinyi were true. Hearing him profess his innocence so, Qinyi chose to believe him. She later changed her place of work and Haoyu also started going to another city to work and, after some time had gone by, Haoyu kept in touch with Qinyi less and less.
One day, out of the blue, Haoyu said to Qinyi, “I hope we can be good friends.” These words came as a shock to Qinyi, and she felt as though a wound that had only just healed had been violently torn open once again, and she felt such pain that she couldn’t breathe. She felt so hurt that she could only murmur to herself, “Is our love to die so soon? Why am I always the one who gets hurt?” Qinyi afterward became very depressed, and she felt like she’d lost her soul.
Just as she was feeling pained and lost, she heard God’s gospel of the last days. Being watered and supplied by God’s words, and being cared for and helped by the brothers and sisters made her broken, frozen heart so very warm. From then on, Qinyi would often get together with brothers and sisters to read God’s words and fellowship about the truth, and they would sing songs in praise of God. She felt like she was living a life of enrichment and happiness every day.
One day, Qinyi suddenly received a message from Haoyu, saying that he still wanted to continue their relationship. After a moment of joy, Qinyi hesitated. She didn’t know whether Haoyu was capable of spending his life with her, and so she prayed to God and asked Him to guide her and lead her. Before long, Qinyi bumped into one of Haoyu’s friends and, during their conversation, she found out that Haoyu had many girlfriends and that he would often keep his options open in terms of relationships. What shocked Qinyi even more was that, while he had been with her, he had been keeping up a shady relationship with another girl. After hearing this, Qinyi was very angry. What she hated most were men who took no responsibility for their love. Haoyu had been playing the field and yet she still felt hurt and pained by that kind of man—how stupid she was! She thought back over her two failed loves, and the histrionic endings had left her feeling unusually hurt and pained. She couldn’t help but sigh, and think: “Where can true love be found in this world? Is it so hard to find a man to give me his undivided attention? Why can’t I find a love that is always faithful? Why do I only end up betrayed and hurt?”
Qinyi confided in a sister from the church about her pain, and the sister gave her fellowship, saying: “The reason we live in pain is because we do not have the truth, because we do not understand the truth of mankind’s corruption by Satan and the cunning schemes Satan employs to deceive us. It is because we live by the wrong thinking of Satan, and because we pursue the perfect love of our imagination. We all know that, previously, when mankind was only corrupted slightly by Satan, people’s thinking was relatively conservative, as they were bound by morals and ethics and devoted particular care to real feelings and true love. Though a man and a woman may not have been devoted to each other for all their lives, they still did not overstep the boundaries too much. Now, however, mankind is being corrupted by Satan more and more deeply, and under the influence of all manner of love idols, romantic books and movies, people’s ideas about morality have been attacked and destroyed. People now advocate wickedness and they are greedy for physical lusts and enjoy the pleasures of sin. Most people regard the sordid, negative things of wickedness and promiscuity as trends, husbands and wives betraying each other is a common occurrence, and it has become even harder to find genuine love. Let’s read what God’s words have to say about this!” Qinyi turned to the chapter, “God Himself, the Unique VI,” in her book of God’s word and began to read: “How Satan takes advantage of social trends to corrupt man. … One after another, all these trends carry an evil influence that continually degenerates man, causing them to continually lose conscience, humanity and reason, and that lowers their morals and their quality of character more and more, to the extent that we can even say the majority of people now have no integrity, no humanity, neither do they have any conscience, much less any reason. … For man who is not of sound body and mind, who never knows what is truth, who cannot tell the difference between positive and negative things, these kinds of trends one after another make them all willingly accept these trends, the life view and values that come from Satan. They accept what Satan tells them on how to approach life and the way to live that Satan ‘bestows’ on them. They have not the strength, neither do they have the ability, much less the awareness to resist.” “Satan uses these social trends to lure people one step at a time into a nest of devils, so that people caught up in social trends unknowingly advocate money and material desires, as well as advocate wickedness and violence. Once these things have entered man’s heart, what then does man become? Man becomes the devil Satan! This is because of what psychological leaning in the heart of man? What does man advocate? Man begins to like wickedness and violence. They do not like beauty or goodness, much less peace. People are not willing to live the simple life of normal humanity, but instead wish to enjoy high status and great wealth, to revel in the pleasures of the flesh, sparing no effort to satisfy their own flesh, with no restrictions, no bonds to hold them back, in other words doing whatever they desire.”
The sister continued her fellowship, saying, “From God’s words, we can see that the reason why mankind is so wicked and degenerate, so sordid and corrupt, is primarily because the various social trends that Satan gives rise to seduce people and corrupt them. Through all the people, events and things around us, Satan indoctrinates us with evil fallacies, such as ‘The red flag at home does not fall, the colored flags outside flutter in the breeze,’ ‘Seize the day for pleasure, for life is short,’ and ‘Don’t ask for eternity, be happy with now.’ And after we have been corrupted by Satan, our nature also becomes incredibly wicked, and it is then very easy for us to accept Satan’s wicked ideologies, we begin to play around with our physical lusts and advocate wickedness. We view having numerous affairs and one-night stands as great and glorious. Gradually, as we are poisoned and influenced by Satan’s evil ideologies, people become incredibly cold and heartless, selfish and despicable, wicked and degenerate, and they take no more thought to conscience or reason any longer. Take Yuhuan, for example. He didn’t care about ethics or morals, he was with you behind his wife’s back, and he hurt both you and his wife; Haoyu was fickle in his affections and carried on relationships with many girls at once, and he deceived other people. And yet he felt no shame, believing this kind of behavior meant that he was a powerful, charming man. Satan uses these evil trends not only to lure many people onto the path of greed and lust, to make them become more and more degenerate and become evil, promiscuous devils, but also to make many kind and loving husbands and wives to betray each other, so that their families ultimately break apart. As a result, social evils have become the way to follow, people’s relationships with each other are very chaotic, and the rates of divorce and re-marrying are on the rise. In such a wicked age as this, it’s very hard to find someone who will treat us sincerely, never mind a love that will forever be faithful. Sister, we have now understood from God’s words the truth of mankind’s corruption by Satan, and we now understand the ways in which Satan corrupts man and its despicable aims, and so we should regard interpersonal sentiment correctly. That way, we will not blindly live in pain and be deceived by Satan.”
God’s words and the sister’s fellowship made Qinyi, who had been living in confusion and resentment, to awaken all of a sudden: “So it is Satan using such evil trends as ‘The red flag at home does not fall, the colored flags outside flutter in the breeze,’ and ‘Seize the day for pleasure, for life is short,’ to seduce and corrupt people, and to make them fall into the sin of lust, and become more and more evil, selfish and despicable, and lose their dignity and integrity. It is precisely these evil trends that have influenced and affected Yuhuan and Haoyu. Caring only about satisfying their own wicked lusts, they hurt her, and they also are the victims of these evil trends.” Having understood this, Qinyi no longer took Yuhuan’s and Haoyu’s betrayal so much to heart.
Afterward, Qinyi read these words of God: “For example, if you were watching a television show, what sort of things in it could change your view? … What sort of things would corrupt people? It would be the core thoughts and content of the show, which would represent the director’s views, and the information carried in these views could sway people’s hearts and minds. Is that right?” (“God Himself, the Unique V”). As she contemplated God’s words, Qinyi thought back to when she used to watch soap operas and had unknowingly accepted their views on love, such as “Always faithful,” “Lovers always end up together,” and “Only when the mountains fall and heaven and earth are one will I be parted from you.” She had been filled with longing for love and had always dreamed that she would find an ever-faithful love. Only after experiencing two failed loves did Qinyi finally realize that the dynamic portrayals of love that soap operas instilled in people were all just fictions. They simply did not exist in real life, because people simply did not possess true love after they had been corrupted by Satan. Instead, it was all just using each other and betraying each other, and she herself had been so stupid and had had no discernment, and had been deceived by these views on love. She had regarded her pursuit for a perfect love as the objective for her whole life. So when her dreams of love did not materialize, she became incredibly depressed and had suffered unbearable pain. Now, due to the revelations of God’s words, Qinyi could finally see clearly that Satan used people’s pursuit for a perfect love to deceive and harm them, and to make them keep searching in pain. But in reality, it was just a beautiful illusion that could never come to be. When people meet with repeated setbacks and they cannot obtain the love they want, they live in the pain that they cannot escape—this is one of the means by which Satan corrupts man! Coming to this realization, Qinyi thanked God for saving her from the bottom of her heart, and she thanked God for leading her back before Him, and for learning from His words how to see through Satan’s cunning schemes to corrupt man and to rid herself of its harm.
Bang, bang, bang, the noise of the subway train pulled Qinyi back from her reverie. In her heart, she contemplated God’s love and salvation and, smiling, she stepped into the train carriage. When the train began to move, Qinyi held the handrail and opened up her cell phone, put in her earphones, and began to hum along softly to the music: “Only the Creator has pity on this mankind. Only the Creator shows this mankind tenderness and affection. Only the Creator holds a true, unbreakable affection for this mankind. Likewise, only the Creator can bestow mercy on this mankind and cherish all of His creation. His heart leaps and aches at every one of man’s actions: He is angered, distressed and grieved over man’s evil and corruption; He is pleased, joyful, forgiving and jubilant for man’s repentance and belief; every single one of His thoughts and ideas exist for and revolve around mankind; what He is and has is expressed entirely for mankind’s sake; the entirety of His emotions are intertwined with mankind’s existence. For mankind’s sake, He travels and rushes about; He silently gives forth every bit of His life; He dedicates every minute and second of His life” (“Only the Creator Takes Pity on This Mankind” in Follow the Lamb and Sing New Songs).
The words “has pity on,” “tenderness and affection” and “unbreakable affection,” deeply moved Qinyi’s heart. She thought about when she had been in the most pain, and God had brought her back into His family and used His words to soothe the wounds in her heart, and it had been God’s words that had made her see clearly that Satan corrupts, controls and deceives people by using evil trends and mistaken ideas about love. Only God’s words had enabled her to see through Satan’s cunning schemes, and she would no longer pursue a vague and illusory love, but instead would shun the harm Satan causes. Qinyi now understood that, only by coming before God and accepting His salvation, pursuing the truth and walking the path of fearing God and shunning evil, can one follow the right path in life. She came to deeply appreciate that, within this world, the love that is the most good, the most true and the most selfless, is God’s love for mankind. Only God silently loves man, gives them the breath of life, waters them and supplies them with the truth, and enables them to see through Satan’s cunning schemes and shun the harm of Satan. Qinyi had no way to ever repay such a love as this! She offered up her thanks and praise to God from the bottom of her heart, and she made a resolution: to pursue the truth, to follow God all her life and to follow the right path in life!