Not long ago, I was transferred to a new place to perform my duty. To win the leader’s favor, I observed her behavior very carefully at every meeting, in order to know what kind of people she appreciated and what kind of people she disliked. Before her I always behaved very attentively, so that she would see what I did as proper. Just like this, I dealt with the leader cautiously. Once, the brothers and sisters donated a pair of shoes. Originally I intended to give it to a sister in my working area, but then I thought: I would rather give it to the leader than to her, so the leader will know I care for her and thus will regard me with increased favor; and even if I do something improper in my work in the future, she will treat me leniently. When I was thinking this way, however, my heart was greatly rebuked.
One day, during my spiritual devotions, I read these words of God: “Your life is condemned by me as a life of drinking the blood of the unclean spirit and eating the flesh of the unclean spirit, because you follow the pattern of the unclean spirit before me every day and your acts before me are especially low. How can I not feel loathing for you? You speak with the impurities of the unclean spirit: deceiving, lying, and flattering, like those who practice sorcery and like those who practice craftiness and drink the blood of the unrighteous. All your manifestations are extremely unrighteous. How can I put you all in the holy place where the righteous are? Do you think that your despicable deeds can separate you from the unrighteous?” Facing God’s stern words of judgment, I seemed to be awakened from a dream and felt that God was showing his righteous and holy nature to me. I thought back to what I thought and did during this period: Since I came here, I have never considered how to do the work well or how to practice the truth to satisfy God, but racked my brains and took great pains to curry favor with the leader. Before my leader, I behaved in an affected and fawning manner. During the meetings, my mind was fully occupied by her words and actions; I even pondered over her speaking tone and her every word as to what they meant, so that I could find out her likes and foster a good relationship with her and make her have a good opinion of me. My intent was too contemptible! Now I have realized that God is righteous and holy. He loathes the great red dragon’s poison of flattering and fawning in man, and loathes man’s crafty, deceitful, and despicable means. I was really blind and ignorant and did not know God’s righteous nature. I treated God’s family as society, advocated the ill winds and evil practices of the great red dragon, and followed the philosophy of life “officials won’t spank those who send them gifts, and flattering is always better than name-calling,” attempting to fulfill the purpose of “officials shielding each other.” I am indeed a pure son of the great red dragon and my whole being is defiled with its poisons. I am really disgusting and loathsome to God! At the moment, I felt too ashamed to show my face. I knelt before God and prayed: “O God! Thank you for your chastisement and judgment. It has made me know my crafty inherent nature and see my ugly features of currying favor with those in power. From now on, I am willing to pursue the truth, pursue the transformation of my nature, rid myself of the poisons of the great red dragon, take your words as the standard of my conduct, establish a normal relationship with the brothers and sisters, and be a person who has personality and dignity.”
Heze City, Shandong Province