Once at a co-worker meeting, the leader said: “In another place a mother and her daughter are escaping from pursuit, and the mother was once arrested. For safety’s sake, they can’t perform duties, and we need to arrange for an abode for them.” At this, I thought to myself, “Hope I won’t be asked to lodge these two sisters. In our small district there is still a second-line director whom I need to fix up with a new abode. Now it’s so hard to find a house; if a suitable one is found, it should be for the director to live in. These two sisters are unfit for any duty; I won’t find a house for them for nothing.” Right at the moment, the leader said to me, “The two sisters will be lodged in your small district.” I was really unwilling to receive them, so I pondered how to shift them to any other small district. My heart was then completely occupied by this matter, and I could not hear what was fellowshipped about at the meeting.
During the noon break, I was still disturbed by this matter. Having no choice, I came before God with my state and prayed to him. After the prayer, I opened Christ’s Talks with Some Church Workers and read God’s words: “…they seek interests for themselves in everything. No matter what they do, it has to be profitable; they won’t do it if it is unprofitable and won’t do it if it is unadvantageous. They have their own intents and purposes in everything. …and he makes a deal at any time and in everything. Then it can be concluded that his nature is being self-seeking. He is for himself in everything, he is profit-driven, and he is a most selfish person….”
After reading these words, I instantly felt ashamed and guilty, realizing that I am really a self-seeking base person. The work arrangement says that “as for those who cannot go back home, especially those who are pursued, the churches everywhere should receive them by all means. To receive them is a responsibility of every church, and in this matter we all should have good deeds.” It never says that only those who are able to perform duties can be received and those who are not able to perform duties cannot be received. However, I had no sympathy for the brothers and sisters who fled their homes. As for those who are able to perform duties and make profits, I tried my best to arrange for abodes for them; as for those who are unable to perform duties and make profits, I refused to receive them in my heart. I saw others undergo suffering, but I had no heart to help and sympathize with them; instead, I considered for myself in every aspect. I am really a person profit-driven, selfish, and base. I have been so corrupted by satan that my marrow and blood are full of elements of selfishness; I live completely by the satanic logic and viewpoint that “everyone for himself and the devil take the hindmost.” As I have such a nature, while believing in God I will make a deal and make an exchange with God in everything.
O God, thank you that through the exposing of the fact and the inspiration of your words, you have caused me to see the filthiness and ugliness in the depths of my soul. I am really unworthy to live before you. From now on, I will try my utmost to pursue the truth and forsake my self-seeking satanic nature. I will put the interests of your family first and give up my personal interests in everything, and consider more for others when speaking and doing things, so as to live out the likeness of a real man early to comfort your heart.
Dengta City, Liaoning Province