I Am a Selfish and Base Person
In May 2003, God’s family asked me to do hosting and assigned two sisters to stay in my home. At that time I agreed gladly. But two months later, with the weather getting hotter our usage of water and electricity was increasing, and besides, buying vegetables, buying flour, etc. all took money, so my first delight passed off. I thought to myself, “My children just give me this little money, and I have to use it for doing hosting. Ay! If things go on like this for long, then how much money will I have to spend? Doing hosting really does not pay.” From then on, I completely lived in darkness. I didn’t want to read God’s word nor pray, and when seeing the sisters I wore forced smiles. I anxiously waited for the leader to come, thinking to tell her I wouldn’t perform this duty anymore.
One day, I turned on the CD player and heard hymn 231 of God’s word “Don’t You Feel Ashamed,” which goes, “Abraham offered Isaac; what have you offered? Job offered his all; what have you offered? So many people sacrificed their life for seeking the true way, and they laid down their head and shed their blood. Ah…have you paid such a price? Have you paid such a price? Compared with these people, you are not at all qualified to enjoy such a great grace. Don’t think too highly of yourselves. You have nothing to boast about. Such a great salvation and such a great grace have been bestowed to you freely, Ah…but you have offered nothing. Don’t you feel ashamed?” God’s words rendered me speechless. Ah, yes! Abraham offered Isaac; Job offered his all; what have I offered? So many people sacrificed their lives for seeking the true way, and they laid down their heads and shed their blood; what price have I paid? Today, I’m not able to perform any other duty and can only perform the duty of hosting, yet I felt distress and pain for spending a little money, and I even settled accounts with God, saying that doing hosting didn’t pay. Is this what I have offered and paid? Is this what a person should do who has freely enjoyed God’s grace? Besides, ever since I performed this duty, my children, who didn’t give me money before, bring me money on time every month; and they also bring me some other things at ordinary times. Aren’t all these bestowed on me by God because of my performing the duty of hosting? I received the things bestowed by God, yet I was not willing to offer them for God. I am really devoid of conscience and sense. I simply don’t deserve to live before God. Thinking of this, I felt extreme shame and couldn’t restrain tears of guilt. O God, your exposing has opened my eyes to my selfishness and baseness, and your words have revived my conscience. I don’t want to be an ungrateful person anymore. From now on, I will do my best to perform my duty of hosting to repay your great love.
Nanyang City, Henan Province