Because of the need of the work, I had to stay in a host home for some time. The auntie of the host home then arranged a room for me alone, in which there was a TV set. At first, I took no notice of the TV set. Apart from performing my duty, I read God’s word and learned hymns all the rest of my time in the room. One day, in a piece of God’s word, I read these words: “God’s requirement of people is for them to live out a normal humanity. For example, in eating and dressing they have the ways of a modern person, and they can wear a suit and tie, and can also learn a little modern art; in their spare time they have some recreational life, and they can take some memorable photos, and can also read books to acquire a little knowledge; they have a reasonably good living environment. All these are the living proper for the normal humanity, but people regard them as what God loathes.” The words “in their spare time they have some recreational life” attracted me, and I could not help thinking of the TV set in my room. I, who had always loved watching TV, felt just like a stranded fish put back into water. I thought, “I can relax a little. Since God says that to have some recreation in one’s spare time is the living proper for the normal humanity, isn’t it appropriate for me to watch some TV? God does not loathe it; why should I bind myself?” When evening came, I turned on the TV without the slightest hesitation. I had meant to turn it off right after watching the news, but after the news, I found that this program was attractive and that program was interesting, so I continued to watch. Just like that, when the hour came every evening, I turned on the TV and watched as I pleased. Gradually, my heart was occupied by the programs. I watched in the evening and recalled in the daytime; I no longer had a burden for the duty I performed. One evening I was being absorbed in watching TV when suddenly the auntie knocked at the door, saying that she wanted to fetch something. I feared that she would say I was not burdened, so I hurriedly turned off the TV before opening the door. When the auntie entered, she asked me, “You were reading God’s word, weren’t you?” At that moment, I did not know what to say and responded with a low “Hmm.” After the auntie went away, I was conscious that I should not go on to watch. But I could not resist the temptation of the TV programs and turned on the TV again. When I was watching I felt rebuked in my heart, but I stubbornly used these words of God “in their spare time they have some recreational life” to comfort myself.
The next day, as soon as I got up I felt my head swimming. I thought that it might be God’s discipline. But then I thought: Perhaps it is because I did not sleep well last night. That evening, I turned on the TV as usual. Yet, it went wrong in less than three minutes. I tinkered with it for a while but it still refused to work. I could do nothing but turn it off reluctantly. Seeing that the hour was still early, I took up the book of God’s word. I happened to turn it to Practice (8), and a passage drew my vision: “Equip yourself with what you should equip. Don’t go too far beyond. Some people use whatever phrases and whatever words, which is called playing the coquette. And some others read whatever books, which is called indulging the lust of the flesh. They even study and imitate the biographies and the recorded utterances of ‘the great men in the world’ and read blue books. This is even more something too ridiculous! Such people not only do not know the way to enter into life, but even more, they do not know God’s work of today. They do not know how to live their daily lives. Their lives are too empty!” I reread these words several times and my heart was gradually touched. I reflected that in this period, although I did not read any blue books, I watched whatever TV programs; moreover, my heart was fully occupied by them and I began to perform my duty absent-mindedly, and I even told a lie against my conscience for fear that the host auntie would discover me watching TV. Little did I know that all this had already been seen clearly by God. Only then did I realize that both the swimming in my head and the failure of the TV set were God’s disciplining me.
Through this matter, I see that I am a person who has an impure understanding of the truth. By saying “in their spare time they have some recreational life,” God means to let people live out a normal humanity and to cause them to be released and free without being rigid and dreary, not to let people follow their own inclinations and gratify their flesh. However, I used God’s words as a cover for indulging the lust of my flesh. I always behaved unrestrainedly and gave in to myself, yet I thought that that was permitted by God. I was really reckless and absurd to the extreme! At the same time, I also realize that I do not love the truth by nature and that what I love are the evil, ugly fleshly things, which are against the truth. O Almighty God, now I see that I have been corrupted by satan too deeply, and that I do not have the power to overcome sin and control myself, do not have the organ to understand the truth, still less understand the inner meaning of your word. Thank you that the inspiration of your words has woken me up timely. From now on, I will have a heart of fearing you, understand your word correctly from the angle of the truth, and be a person who has a pure understanding of the truth.
Wuhu City, Anhui Province