Every time our leader asked us about the problems and difficulties we encountered lately, Xiaochen (the sister coordinating with me) answered her, while I kept silent. Later, Xiaochen pointed out to me my defect, saying that I was too crafty. I thought, “None of the people who contacted me ever had such an opinion of me; they all said I was honest and dependable. How could I be a crafty person?” I considered myself quite honest because I treated my family and friends very sincerely and lied rarely to others, and when I told a lie, my face would redden and my heart beat fast. Thus, I did not accept the defect the sister pointed out to me. Later, through God’s exposing, I had to admit that I am a crafty person.
A few days ago, a sister came to inquire of us about our leader. I clearly knew what bad states and expressions our leader had, but I just did not want to tell. I thought to myself, “I mustn’t tell. If I tell and it is known to our leader, what will she think of me? As if I snitched on her. What’s more, I may associate with her for a long time to come. If I leave on her a bad impression, she’ll surely think ill of me and thus give me the cold shoulder.” Therefore, when the sister asked about the key points, I always beat around the bush and said some insignificant things, but about the leader’s main states and expressions I mentioned nothing. I thought: If the leader’s conditions are reported by my lips, I will suffer great loss. It will be fine if Xiaochen tells: not only can the above know the true conditions but I will be kept from offending the leader. Looking at Xiaochen, I was anxious in my heart, “Oh! Come on, Xiaochen. You say it, and I will be out of this trouble.” Finally she spoke, and I escaped this “calamity.”
After the sister went, I felt very bad in my heart: Why is it so difficult for me to speak an honest word? At the moment, I thought of the truth concerning being an honest person in God’s word. Then I opened the book of God’s word and read this passage: “To be honest means to give the heart to God, not to cheat him in anything, to be open with him in everything, not to hide any fact, not to be one who cheats those above and deludes those below, and not to do things that just flatter God. In a word, to be honest means to do things and speak without any impurity and not to cheat God and not to cheat others. However, what I am saying is very simple, but it is extremely difficult for you. Many people would rather go to hell than speak honest words and do honest things. So, it is no wonder that I deal with these dishonest people differently. Of course, I know very well how difficult it is for you to be an honest person.” Through eating and drinking God’s words, I saw that the “good person” and the “honest person” in my mind were so different from what God says. My viewpoint is still the same as that of the world and is not based on God’s words. What I considered honesty was outward ingenuousness and meekness and telling no lies. But these outward things cannot represent man’s inherent nature. God’s words, however, are spoken with regard to man’s inherent nature. The manifestations of an honest person are: being open to God in everything, not hiding any fact, not being a person cheating those above or deluding those below, doing things in a down-to-earth manner, calling a spade a spade, having no hypocrisies or lies, telling the truth, not using equivocal language, and saying what he thinks. However, when God’s family inquired of me about the true conditions of our leader, for the sake of my own interests, I refused to say an honest word. How then could I be counted as an honest person? God’s years of doing work and expending effort and price on me could not purchase an honest word of mine. Where is my conscience? Since I even do not have a conscience, how can I be a good person or an honest person? Today, God’s exposing and God’s words have completely convinced me: I am too crafty indeed.