Because of the need of the work, God’s family assigned a young sister and me to go to revise the testimony articles. On that afternoon, I remember, the leader came to fetch us. Before we had gone far away from the host home, the leader put her arm in the young sister’s and they talked and laughed, walking ahead of me. Immediately, I felt jealous in my heart, but I managed to restrain my emotion and assumed an appearance of nonchalance. After we arrived at the new host home, the leader began to make arrangements for the work. Then, I sensitively noticed that when speaking the leader looked at the young sister and only gave me a glance occasionally. It seemed that all the work had been assigned to her…. Facing all this, I outwardly kept my countenance, but my heart was in a fierce tumult. “I’m finished. No doubt I don’t amount to much in this leader’s eyes; if not, why is she so cold to me?” While I was sinking deeper, God’s words suddenly rang in my ears: “What value does it have to gladden and please others and to make them have a different view of you? What meaning does it have to make others treat you warmly?” This gleam of light made my restless heart calm down gradually. Ah, yes! I seek to make others be warm to me and pay attention to my place in their heart; what value and meaning does this have? Am I practicing the truth to satisfy God? Even if the leader is nice to me, does that mean God approves me? Paul had been appreciated by all people, but in the end he was punished by God. Am I not following in Paul’s footsteps in pursuing so?
The next early morning, in light of my state, I consciously read this passage of God’s word: “Some people, no matter how others treat them, pursue all the same and are not affected by it at all. They have a broad mind, so they suffer less and have fewer hindrances to their normal entering in. You are fussy, fussy about this today and that tomorrow: someone has given you an unpleasant look, someone has looked down on you, or someone has ignored you…. You are too fussy about trivialities. Your mind is too complicated, your sense too poor, and your personality too low. You are too troublesome and too difficult to deal with.” God’s words, like face-to-face judgment, made me sincerely convinced. I saw that I am indeed a person who has poor sense and low personality and who is fussy about trivialities. What I paid attention to and pursued all day was not the truth or life but some worthless trivialities. I am really too low! O God, thank you that you have arranged such circumstances for me so that I have gained a little knowledge of myself. From now on, I will pursue to live out a worthy and meaningful life under the leading of your word, and will no longer live in these trivialities which harm my life.
Bengbu City, Anhui Province