44. I Am Willing to Accept the Supervision of All
Xianshang Jinzhong City, Shanxi Province
A little while ago, every time I heard that the district preachers were coming to our church, I would feel a bit ill at ease. I didn’t reveal my feelings outwardly, but my heart was full of secret opposition. I thought: “It would be best if you all didn’t come. If you do come, at least don’t work in the church with me. Otherwise, I’ll be restricted and unable to commune.” Later, the situation got so bad that I actually hated their coming. Even as such, I didn’t think there was anything wrong with me and certainly didn’t try to know myself in the context of this situation.
Until one day, I read the following passage of God’s word: “The teaching of the feudal code of ethics and passing down of knowledge of ancient culture has long infected man and turned man into devils big and small. … Man’s face is filled with murder, and in all places, death is in the air. They seek to cast God out from this land…. It wishes to wipe out God’s all in one blow, to again insult and assassinate Him, and attempts to tear down and disturb His work. How could it allow God to be of ‘equal status’? How can it tolerate God ‘interfering’ with its work among men on earth? How can it allow God to unmask its odious face? How can it allow God to disrupt its work? How could this devil, fuming with rage, allow God to govern its court of power on earth? How could it willingly admit defeat? Its odious countenance has been revealed for what it is, hence one finds himself not knowing whether to laugh or cry, and it is truly difficult to speak of. Is this not its essence? … Demons and evil spirits … have closed off the will and painstaking effort of God, making them impenetrable. What a mortal sin! How could God not feel anxious? How could God not feel wrathful? They cause grievous hindrance and opposition to the work of God. Too rebellious!” (“Work and Entry (7)” in The Word Appears in the Flesh). I contemplated the meaning of this passage while reflecting on my recent condition: Why was it that I so disliked the district workers coming to our church? Why wasn’t I willing to let them work alongside me in the church? Was it not because I was worried that if they were to come into the church, they would realize that I wasn’t working according to principle or God’s will and would deal with me with regard to this issue? What’s more, was I not scared that their coming would throw a wrench in my work plans? Was I not scared that they would commune better than me and cause me to lose my privileged status in the hearts of my brothers and sisters? If they didn’t come, I could go about my work plans just as I pleased. Even if my methods did not accord with principle or God’s will, no one would know and certainly no one would deal with me or criticize me. In this way, my standing in the hearts of my brothers and sisters would only become greater, more privileged and more stable. All the brothers and sisters of the church would look up to me, admire me and obey my orders. The whole church would revolve around me. Was this not my true purpose? Was I not scheming to drive out God from the hearts of my brothers and sisters so that I may gain status in their hearts? Was I not a living and breathing example of those poisons of the great red dragon, “The emperor is as far away as the sky,” “There is no king but me”? In order to control and claim dominion over humanity, the great red dragon combated the coming of God with full force, not allowing God to have a hand in the affairs of men, to expose its ghoulish face, to interfere in its plans or govern in its dominion. Thus, it wildly opposed, disrupted, tore down and decimated God’s work. It fantasized that, one day, it could wrest God from the hearts of humankind and fulfill its despicable objective of becoming the eternal arbiter of man and forcing mankind to worship it. What difference was there between my own thoughts and the actions of the great red dragon? Because I wanted to maintain my own status and assure that I could go my own way and not be restricted in my work, I didn’t want to let other leaders or workers supervise or inspect my work. I didn’t want anyone else meddling in the work of my church or watering my brothers and sisters. Why didn’t I want this? Was it not just because I wanted to control and claim dominion over others? Was my ultimate ambition not to proclaim myself king and earthly ruler over my brothers and sisters? I saw that the poison of the great red dragon—that unchecked arrogance and megalomania—had already penetrated to the core of my being. The influence of the great red dragon had long since taken hold within me: I had become as malevolent a demon as the dragon itself. On the surface, I was working to fulfill my duty, but my heart held ulterior motives. In reality, I wanted to break up the throne, set chaos in the ranks and erect my own empire in opposition to God and in obstruction of the execution of God’s will. My nature was pure evil and so terrifying! If not for the harsh revelation and judgment of God’s word, I never would have known to what degree I had been corrupted by Satan and opposed God. I never would have come to realize that, deep within my soul, a dastardly plot had been hatched and that my true nature was so deeply afflicted by evil.
Thank You God for Your revelations and enlightenment, which allowed me to realize my satanic nature of arrogance and vileness. I see that I am, in fact, a child of the great red dragon and of the archangel. God, I vow to seek the truth with diligence and come to a deeper understanding of how the great red dragon’s poison afflicts my nature. I vow, more so, to accept the inspection and supervision of other workers and leaders. I will accept the dealing and pruning of all. I shall place myself under the inspection of the entire congregation so I may fulfill my duties conscientiously to comfort Your heart.