I Am Willing to Walk the Path of Believing in God All My Life
“No one intends to walk this path all his life so as to pursue the truth, gain life, come to know God, and ultimately live out a true human life like Peter like Peter. So people go astray after they walk the path for some time…. How difficult it is to save people!” When we had sung this hymn at a meeting, the sister fellowshipped: “This word of God exposes man’s essence, and it also contains God’s requirement for man; even more, it is what everyone should put into practice in his whole life. … So, we must make a resolution to serve God faithfully all our lives. This is what a created being should do.…” After hearing her fellowship, I felt very bad, all kinds of feelings welling up in my heart, because I never thought about this aspect. To consistently follow God all my life! This path is too long. How can I achieve that? Following God up to now, I have been expecting the moment when God’s work ends, thinking that by that time my husband and I wouldn’t need to perform our duties away from home anymore and our family would be reunited enjoying family happiness together. But now I am asked to follow God all my life by running around like this and leading a life of separating from my family. How hard it will be! Ay! If only my husband and I in the beginning hadn’t pursued so actively but followed as common believers in our home town! Then we could live our own lives while believing in God. In that case, I could follow God for a lifetime. If such a present life continues, I really can’t bear it. I’d rather go home earlier than suffer like this. But when I thought that going back home meant to rebel against God and I would thus be punished, I immediately stopped thinking that way and sat there in a trance…. After struggling a few times, I felt I had no other way to choose but had to follow reluctantly. In the following few days, my heart was like a rough sea and couldn’t quiet down for a long time. Thinking that I would never have the fleshly enjoyment in the future, I felt it really hard to spend all my life in such a way. So, I always performed my duty passively.
One day, I read these words of God: “You are not willing to undergo sufferings to change your present life and are not willing to seek the human life you should enter into in such judgment and chastisement. But you are unrealistically dreaming of the beautiful world free from the flesh. The life you all yearn for is a life that can be easily gained without undergoing any suffering. It is too unrealistic! This is because what you expect is not that you can live out a meaningful life in the flesh and gain the truth during your lifetime, that is, live for the truth and stand up for justice. This is not what you consider a bright and brilliant life. You think that such a life is not a shining life or a meaningful life. In your view, it is simply too painful to live your life like that!” The judgment and chastisement of God’s word made me suddenly wake up, and only then did I realize my contemptibility and sordidness. I had followed God up to today but I had no wish to expend myself for God all my life, nor had the resolution to pursue to live out a meaningful life in God’s chastisement and judgment. Instead, I only wished to use my temporary sufferings to fulfill my desire of enjoying happiness with my family. Moreover, I thought that to live for the pursuit of the truth in all my life is too bitter, too aggrieving, valueless, and meaningless. My outlook on life and my values were too low. I always considered and planned for my flesh, and what I longed for was still the vulgar and debased life such as a harmonious family or fleshly ease. O God, thank you for the inspiration and guidance of your words. It has made me see the mixtures in my belief in God, and it has also revived my numb heart and spirit. I have understood that only the way led by you is the right way of human life, and that for a created being, he will have a valuable and meaningful human life only when he pursues to gain the truth and love God and only living in this way is a shining life. O God, I’m willing to break free from the vulgar and decadent life I pursued, surrender my whole life to you, and pursue to live out a meaningful life in your chastisement and judgment.
Xianyang City, Shaanxi Province