Because there was persecution in my hometown, I left my home to perform duty. It has been two years since then. During this period of time, I always expected that some day I could go home to reunite with my family. After we swore on the several aspects, “do service for God all my life, suffer for God all my life…,” I always felt that my wish was completely shattered and that my flesh had no way of retreat. Gradually, my spirit began to sink and I fell into refining.
One day, I heard a hymn of God’s word, which goes: “No one intends to walk this path all his life so as to pursue the truth, gain life, come to know God, and ultimately live out a true human life like Peter like Peter. So people go astray after they walk the path for some time and the Holy Spirit no longer works on them, and they regress. Although they have undergone many sufferings, heard many messages, and followed many years, all their effort has come to naught. If you go downhill, it will be very easy. But if you want to take the right path, it will really be difficult. Most people are muddled in their heart and are not clear which is a wrong path and which is a right path. Although they have heard many messages, read many words of God, and known clearly that it is the true way, they still cannot strive to pursue. Why are people so muddled? They know that she is God, but they still cannot believe in her. Aren’t they satan? They are like animals. How difficult it is to save people!” God’s words aroused my heart, and I realized this: Although I believed in God and followed God and also gave up and expended things and performed my duty, I had never turned my heart to God, and never intended to consecrate my whole life to God and live out a meaningful life as Peter did. God was incarnated to work and has expressed many truths that supply life for man, just to save man completely from satan’s power of darkness, so that man will no longer live for his flesh but will have the likeness of a real man and live out a true human life. God raised up the circumstances to force me to walk onto this right way of human life, and also bestowed upon me a good opportunity to gain the truth. However, I never had a clear goal to pursue, not knowing why I believed in God and what I wanted to gain; thus I always planned for my flesh and always wanted to go back to my small family to enjoy the flesh. I saw I was so muddy and foolish at heart that I was like an animal and did not have any goal in life. By the swearing of this time, God was to completely release me from my extravagant desires, plans, and arrangements, so that I would have a clear goal to pursue, follow God all my life, and pursue the truth to gain life, and that I would live my whole life under the care and keeping of God, and live in a life of truly worshipping God. However, I did not understand God’s kind intention and always wanted to take the road back. I was really too blind!
O Almighty God, thank you for keeping and saving me. I have known that only walking the way you have arranged for me is most meaningful and valuable. From now on, I will drop my extravagant ideas and no longer have my own demands and desires. I will follow you to the end. Although I undergo suffering and refining within, I will rebel against myself, and pursue to be like Peter, turning my heart to you completely and serving you all my life, so as to live out a true human life.
Rushan City, Shandong Province