I Broke My Oath and Should Deserve God’s Curse
I accepted God’s new work in 2001. Not long afterward, God’s family uplifted me to perform the duty of doing the hosting work. At that time, I was full of confidence and took a vow before God: However busy I am with my family and whatever happens to my family, I will give priority to the work of God’s family and perform the duty of hosting well. If I break my vow, I’m willing to accept punishments from God. For two years, whenever there was a meeting, I had a great burden for standing guard and cooking meals and was very warm to the brothers and sisters.
In October 2003, my son and daughter-in-law went to work in other places, and left my less-than-one-year-old grandson to my care. From then on, my heart was gradually occupied by my grandson, and I had less burden than before when doing the hosting. When he was two years old, my grandson became increasingly clever and pretty and was very lovable. Then, I paid more attention to him and didn’t even trust my family-brother (my husband) to look after him, for fear that if anything happened to the child I couldn’t give an account to my son and daughter-in-law. Just in this way, my state got worse day by day, and my heart was completely occupied by my grandson. I entirely forgot my oath to God and had no burden for my duty anymore. When the brothers and sisters came, I was no longer hospitable to them. I stood guard carelessly and was always reluctant to cook meals for them. Seeing that my state was bad, the brothers and sisters fellowshipped with me about God’s word, but I was in no mood to listen to them; on the contrary, I felt that they were disagreeable to me. Once, when in a meeting a sister fellowshipped a little loud, I immediately had an aversion. I entered the room angrily and gave her a lecture. I said exasperatedly, “Once I get fretted I will refuse to receive you!” And my heart was full of complaints: I have to cook meals for you and stand guard for you to preserve circumstance; what do I do that for? My grandson is so young. I don’t trust anyone to look after him. What if I fail to take good care of him and anything happens to him because of my doing hosting? The more I thought about it, the more unwilling I was to do the hosting.
Yet how could my disobedience escape God’s eyes? How could God allow me to rebel against him? Not long afterward, God’s righteous nature came upon me. That day, somehow I sent my little grandson to ask his uncle to come over for a meal. I never thought that he would slip and fall into a lime pit by the roadside; and when he was found and pulled out of the pit, he had already breathed his last. Holding my grandson’s body in my arms, I was frantic with grief. I kept on complaining in my heart: “O God, in which aspect have I offended you? I’m expending myself for you but you treat me in such a way. How can I give an account to my son and daughter-in-law?”
When in extreme grief, I suddenly remembered the vow I had taken before God: “Whatever happens to my family, I will give priority to the work of God’s family. If I break my vow, I’m willing to accept punishment from God.” I also remembered God’s words that the brothers and sisters had recently fellowshipped with me: “Since you have made a resolution to serve me, I won’t let you go. I am a jealous God, and I am a God jealous of man. Since you have presented your words before my altar, I won’t allow you to run away from my eyes…. Do you think that you can love something else after you have presented your words on my altar and before my eyes? How can I allow man to fool me like this? Do you think that your tongue can vow and swear to me at will? How can you swear by the throne of me the Most High? Do you think that your oaths have passed away? … At the end of the time, I will condemn you according to your oaths. …” “How to treat God’s commission? This is a serious matter! If you fail to complete the commission God gives you, you don’t deserve to live before God and should receive punishment. … If you treat God’s commission lightly, then you rebel against God most seriously. Then you’re more pitiable than Judas and should be cursed….”
God’s word made me fear and tremble. In retrospect, during this over-one-year period of raising my grandson, I ran around him every day and always worried that if I did not take good care of him I could not give an account to my son and daughter-in-law. As a consequence, I had no burden for my duty and completely forgot my oath. Outwardly I was still doing the hosting, but inwardly I was very reluctant to do it. I didn’t cooperate properly in standing guard and cooking meals. I also found fault with the brothers and sisters, and even wanted to take this as an excuse to drive them out of my home. Wasn’t I rebelling against God most seriously? Since I had laid my vow before the altar of God, God would not allow me to escape from his sight and would convict me according to what I did. Then I understood that the removal of my grandson was the “flame” God cast down from heaven, was the retribution I deserved, and much more, was God’s extremely great salvation to me. Otherwise, I would give up my duty and forsake God because of my grandson, and then I would be completely ruined! However, I was blind and did not know God’s nature at all. When God’s rod came upon me, I even complained that God shouldn’t have treated me in this way. I was really unreasonable and utterly muddled! I only thought I couldn’t give an explanation to my son and daughter-in-law if anything happened to my grandson, but I had never thought how I could give an account to God if I lightly treated the duty that I should perform. Now consider this way: Even though my grandson died, I at most would have to face the stormy look of my son and daughter-in-law and endure their scolding or beating, only suffering a little in my body and mind. But if I fail to fulfill my duty and so have offended God, in the end what I receive will be God’s six-thousand-year fire of wrath, and the eternal punishment unbearable to my spirit, soul, and body!
At that moment, my regret, fear, and gratefulness intermingled, and I could not but fall down and worship God. “O dear God, thank you for showing your righteous nature on me so that I can see your majesty and wrath in my disobedience. Although my heart suffered great pain because of that, I deeply know this is your love and keeping for me. I don’t want to persist in my wrong way anymore. I am willing to pick up my previous will again and conscientiously submit to your manipulation with a heart of fearing you.”
Thank God! After my heart turned to God, my son and daughter-in-law came back but said nothing. They buried my grandson and then left. Not long afterward, God showed me grace and I began to perform the duty of hosting again. I felt very grateful! From now on, I will always remember my oath, bear in mind this bloody lesson, and perform the duty of hosting well. I will give first priority to the interests of God’s family in everything, so as to console God’s heart deeply grieved by me.
Shangqiu City, Henan Province