I Dare Not Give Up My Duty Again
Soon after I accepted this stage of God’s work, I became a church leader. Although I was busy performing my duty outwardly, in my heart I never dropped my marriage. Especially when I heard that God’s work would last seven more years, I thought a lot more: I am 22 years old this year. In seven years, my youth will have already gone, and at that time it will be difficult for me to find a partner in marriage. I’d better look for one now…. Just then, I came across one of my old classmates, whom I had not seen for years. At the sight of me, he said, “I’ve found you today! …” As he spoke, he invited me into his car. In the car he asked me, “Have you had a boyfriend?” “Not yet.” He said with a pleasant surprise, “Aha! Our meeting today is really an arrangement of Heaven! I took a fancy to you when at school. And I’ve been inquiring about you during these years after graduation. Today, I see you at last.” Then he continued, “Now, I have contracted with my unit for a car and also bought an apartment in the county town. All this is prepared for you. Everything depends on whether you are willing to marry me.” Hearing him say so, I thought to myself, “Is this really God’s arrangement? He is a companionable, capable, and honest man. Previously he knew that I believed in God, and if I marry him, he will not hinder me. What’s more, he has both an apartment and a car now, so after our marriage I can do hosting and offer, and I will also be freed from the refining of marriage. Doesn’t this serve a double purpose?” Having thought of this, I gave him my consent and then went to dine with him.
To put my plan into practice, that evening, without fear of the dark and the long way, I eagerly went to see my leader, intending to resign my work as a church leader. While I was walking, suddenly a man jumped out from the wayside. He seized my hand and said fiercely: “Behave yourself! Be wise … or I will kill you….” I did all I could to grapple with him. More than ten minutes passed. Seeing that I still refused to obey him, he began to stab at me continually with a knife. My clothes were stabbed into more than forty holes, and my hand and leg got three stabs in a row, streaming with blood. At the time, due to God’s inspiration, I thought, “Can your boyfriend save you at this moment? Only God can save you, and only God is your ever-present help.” So I kept on calling on God’s name. Thanks to God’s keeping, I escaped from the dangerous situation and the man’s scheme fell through.
I staggered back to the host home. Lying on bed, I started to examine myself: Don’t you want to escape from God’s hand and walk your own way? Don’t you want to get married and lead a happy life? When you leave God, isn’t what comes upon you the affliction of the devil? … Then I opened the book of God’s word and read these words: “Don’t consider so much. Is your future and destiny in your own hand? You always try to escape and walk the worldly way, why do you always fail to walk out? … If you intend to go out of here, you shall see whether God allows you or not…. To be honest, even if you suffer adversities, you will be made to suffer in this stream. You equally undergo sufferings, but today you are just allowed to undergo sufferings in this stream, and you are not allowed to go elsewhere. Do you see this clearly? Where do you still want to go? This is God’s administration decree. Do you think it is a meaningless thing that God has chosen this group of people? God is slow to get angry when working today…. So I advise you to settle down to let God manipulate you and let God make you complete. Only such a person is a wise person.” Every word of God, carrying authority and power, caused me to tremble with fear. Only then did I know that I suffered this discipline because I had offended God’s administration decree and God’s nature. At the crucial time, I, who was a church leader, disregarded the life of the brothers and sisters and only thought about my future and my way of escape; and I even intended to give up the commission to get married. How could such conduct of mine not be hated by God? And how could God’s righteous nature allow me to escape? O God, what you did is really wonderful! If it were not for your timely discipline, I would have rebelled against you without any scruple and returned to the dazzling world; then the consequences would really be unthinkable….
Having experienced this matter, I see that God’s nature indeed does not tolerate man’s offense. From now on, I will never again refuse God’s commission or consider the matter of my marriage. I only wish to completely commit my future and destiny into God’s hand and let God manipulate me.
Nanyang City, Henan Province