I Did Not Have the Reason of a Created Being
One day in December 2004, the leader assigned me to be responsible for revising the communication articles on life experience from several working areas, and she told me to move to another host home. On the way, I kept thinking: Now my working area has been expanded and my leader must have arranged for me a town home of convenient transportation. At the very least, the house must be floored with tiles and the rooms must be spacious and comfortable….
As I was thinking in a merry mood, I arrived at the host home imperceptibly. But, what met my eyes disappointed me greatly. It was a country home! What’s more, the room for me to live in was cold and damp, and the floor was covered with tiny ice crystals (caused by the continuous snow). A shiver ran through my body, and the inward disobedience immediately welled up: Isn’t it too disgraceful for me to be arranged to live in such a home? Only for the reason, among others, that I’m assigned by God’s family to be responsible for such a large area, I should be arranged in a higher-grade home. How can I be arranged to live in such a home? At that moment, I really wanted to tell the leader I didn’t want to live here and ask her to change the place for me. But fearing she might have critical views of me, I had to press the words into my heart.
In the following days, I always felt that God’s family didn’t take good care of me and I was quite wronged, so I became resistant in my heart. When no articles were handed in from below, I was not worried about that. Even if a few were sent to me, I only skimmed over them and did not spend any thought on them.
One day, during my spiritual devotions, these words of God hit my vital corruption: “Why do some people show their devilish images when they become leaders or shoulder some responsibility?” “How did the archangel behave in the beginning? The position given to it was too high and what was given to it was too much. In the end it thought that it deserved to get whatever it wanted. It wanted this and it wanted that. Finally it went to such an extent that it said, ‘I want to be on an equal footing with God!’ So, people believe in God with too many demands and with too great desires. If you do not examine yourself and realize the gravity of this matter, then some day you will say, ‘God, you step down; It’s better I am to be God.’ Things would reach such an extent…. If one believes in God to such a state, he will be in trouble, and probably a disaster is imminent upon him.” “You make demands of God and this in itself is devoid of reason. If you truly believe in him and you truly believe he is God, then you dare not make any demands of him and you are not entitled to make any demands of him, whether they are unreasonable or reasonable. If you have true faith and believe that he is indeed God, you will only worship and only obey him without any other choice.”
God’s words shook me greatly. In the beginning, God gave the archangel a position, and it felt that it had qualifications and thought it deserved to get whatever it wanted, so it asked God for this or that; in the end it even wanted to be on equal terms with God. Isn’t my substance exactly the same as that of the archangel? When God’s family uplifted me and gave me an opportunity to perform my duty, my devilish image showed itself. I thought that the area I was responsible for became larger and so I had qualifications and God’s family should have arranged a higher-grade host home for me to enjoy high-class treatment. When my extravagant demand was not met, I became passive and complained that God’s family didn’t show me enough care. And then I no longer had a burden for the work. Even though some articles came, I was in no mood to revise them. Did I have any place for God in my heart? Did I have any reverence for God?
At that moment, I could not but fall down before God: “O God, thank you for exposing me so that I’ve seen that I’m too arrogant and do not have the reason a created being should have. O God, you’ve been incarnated and come to earth from heaven and placed yourself among men, practically tasting the sufferings of the world, and speaking and uttering words to save us group of extremely filthy people. I am of the brood of swine in the lowest level, and should have been cursed. Today I can remain alive and have an opportunity to perform my duty and this is already your great grace for me. But I didn’t appreciate your kindness. When my working area became larger, I wanted to enjoy high-class treatment. I had simply forgotten my origins! O God, I’m like dust before you and not entitled to make any demands of you. I should only obey and worship you absolutely and should not have any other choice!”
Shangqiu City, Henan Province