I Had Too Much Perfunctoriness
One day, I received a phone call from the sister above who was responsible for transferring clues. At that moment, I thought to myself, “She is not calling me for any good. It must be that another clue we transferred was not written clearly.” Sure enough, she asked me to make certain whether a new believer, about whom we transferred a clue several days before, was really willing to accept this stage of work. “Oh, why not just transfer it away? You must ask me to inquire. It’s really troublesome!” I complained in my heart. Very reluctantly I agreed.
Then I, like a mouthpiece, conveyed her words to the person below who was responsible for the matter. The next day, I received a reply: “There is no way to find it out.” Again like a mouthpiece, I conveyed the word “There is no way to find it out” to the sister. She said at once, “How could it be possible that there is no way to find it out? Are you sure? We mustn’t perform duty perfunctorily. We should consider the interests of God’s family and set God’s heart at rest….” Hearing her words, I had nothing to say. But at the thought that it was very troublesome and difficult to find out about the matter, I was very unwilling and made a mutter, “Give a phone call to that person in the clue or meet with him, then won’t all the information about him be known? Why make me go to so much trouble? …” After I said this, however, I felt greatly rebuked in my heart. I remembered what the leader fellowshipped with me a few days before: “If you transfer an unqualified clue, how many vain miles will the brothers and sisters run, how much money of God’s family will be wasted, and how much work of God’s family will be held up? Besides, some clues may even bring danger and persecution to the brothers and sisters. Have you ever thought about this?” Immediately I felt a twinge of self-reproach: Oh, have I been faithful in performing this duty? The sister asked me to inquire about the clue, but I felt it was troublesome and difficult, and even had a reluctant attitude. Was I performing my duty? I felt a blush and hastened to make inquiries again. One day later, there came a new reply: “He does not accept this stage of work and refuses to fellowship with the brothers and sisters.”
The moment I put down the phone, I felt an unspeakable distress. Because I was afraid of troubles, I did the work in a perfunctory and slipshod way; because I was afraid of hardships and fatigue, I left the truth of the matter covered and put the interests of God’s family aside. My doing so would not only waste the money of God’s family and hold up the work of God’s family, but also bring about danger and unnecessary trouble to the brothers and sisters. Was I not doing evil? I enjoyed everything bestowed by God but did not perform my bounden duty properly to satisfy God. Am I not too conscienceless? I remembered God’s words: “…your perfunctoriness is too much, your skills of deceiving me are too clever, and your contemptible intents and means are too many, but your faithfulness is too little, your sincerity is too little, your conscience even does not exist, and your hearts are so malicious….” The disclosure of God’s words made me feel ashamed of myself. I shed tears of remorse: O Almighty God, thank you that you have exposed me through this small matter. I realize that I am too disobedient and I have always treated you perfunctorily in performing my duty. I also realize that my inherent nature is too lazy, and in performing my duty, I always considered my fleshly interests and tried to do things the easy way and did not consider the interests of your family at all; I resisted you in everything. Such inherent nature of mine is too loathsome to you, and my behavior too grievous to you. Today, if it were not for your exposing, I really do not know what other things of resisting you I would do. O God, I do not want to treat you perfunctorily anymore. I will, in everything you commit to me, act according to the principles, be serious and conscientious, and perform my duty faithfully, so as to set your heart at rest.
Wenzhou City, Zhejiang Province