During the several years of my following God, uplifted by God, I had been a leader in God’s family. In performing my duty, whether I attended to the gospel work or carried out the work arrangements, I cooperated actively and with all my effort, and sometimes when the result of my work was not good I got very worried. … Imperceptibly, I regarded myself as a person who did solid work and who performed duty faithfully.
Later, because of the need of the work, God’s family appointed me as a district assistant. At first I deeply felt that this was God’s uplifting of me, and I was quite burdened for the work. But after a period of time, for some reason, when I failed to solve the problems found in the meetings or did not solve them thoroughly, I no longer got worried. I thought, “It doesn’t matter that there are problems unsolved. There is the leader above me; let her solve them. Anyway, with the leader above me and the coordinators below me, the blame won’t fall directly on me if the result of the work is not good. I’m an assistant, and I just need to assist in going around watering the churches.” So, I no longer had a burden for the work and felt no more pressure. In performing my duty, I no longer strived for results but began to go through the process. Gradually, I lost the working of the Holy Spirit and fell into darkness. Only then did I feel uneasy and afraid. So, I came before God and prayed, “O God, I somehow feel empty and dark within. Although I feel that my state is wrong, I do not have any knowledge of myself. May you inspire and guide me, so that I can know myself and find out my problem.”
Afterward, I opened Christ’s Talks with Some Church Workers and came across a passage of God’s word: “As the starting point is not right, the things that come out of it are forever wrong. In whatever phase, if you fail to know this state within you and fail to change it, then no matter how you pursue you are building your work in vain. Since your starting point is wrong and you lay a wrong foundation, your work will collapse some day, surely unable to stand. Such a person will be in danger sooner or later. …” Then I remembered a passage of God’s word in “Whether One Will Succeed Depends On the Path He Walks”: “…pursuing to actively perform the duty of a created being is the path to success, pursuing to truly love God is the most right path, and pursuing to have one’s old nature transformed and to love God purely is the path to success. The path to success I am speaking of is a path of being restored to the original duty and likeness of a created being. It is a path of restoration, which is the purpose of all the work God has been doing from beginning to end.”
Pondering God’s words and examining my state, I was suddenly enlightened. I laid a wrong foundation for my believing in God and performing duty. Before, I was burdened for the work of God’s family because God’s family had committed the work of one area to me. If it was not done well, in my opinion, I would be the first to be dealt with; and if the result was not good, I would lose face before the leaders and the brothers and sisters. After God’s family appointed me as the district assistant, I thought that if the work was not done well the responsibility was not alone mine, and that even if there were problems or there were no results, I would not be the first to be blamed, for there is the leader above me. Thus, I no longer had a burden. This shows that I had a burden before completely for the sake of my face and reputation, and that I did not have any element of satisfying God, even less did I expend myself and suffer for gaining the truth. Since the starting point of my believing in God and performing duty was not right and the foundation was wrong, even if I exerted myself to the utmost, how could I be doing solid work and performing duty faithfully? And how could I receive the approval of God and receive the working of the Holy Spirit? If I always pursue on this wrong foundation, my work will collapse sooner or later. Only then did I see that I, while believing in God, did not pursue to gain the truth and life or to fulfill my duty as a created being, but pursued reputation and position. Such a pursuit was so pitiful, simply disgusting. As I walked the path of Paul to failure, my spending and efforts could never be approved by God.
Through God’s inspiration, I also realized that it was God’s exposing and salvation of me that God’s family appointed me as the district assistant. It made me gain a little knowledge of my nature of resisting God and my numb conscience and unsound sense, and made me realize that I have been pursuing on a wrong foundation, which was indeed too dangerous. At the same time, I came to know the path I should walk in future—“pursuing to actively perform the duty of a created being” and “pursuing to truly love God.” From now on, I will correct my viewpoint of believing in God, pursue the truth, and pursue to love God and satisfy God. No matter what duty I perform, I will have a true burden for it, do my utmost to cooperate with God, and fulfill my bounden duty as a created being. Never again will I disappoint God’s kind intention.
Jinan City, Shandong Province