I was a very greedy person who loved money more than his life. After I accepted God’s end-time work, I read these words of God: “Give it up, your lust for the world and money!” “All men’s destinies are in God’s hand. You cannot control yourself. …” I could not accept them. I thought to myself: What meaning does it have for man to live without earning money? I won’t give it up and I will keep on earning money. I don’t believe I am unable to change my destiny. But after that, the treatment of my husband’s illness and mine alone cost us more than 2,000 yuan; later, we even had no money to see a doctor. At that time, God’s love came to my husband. One day, he read this word of God by chance: “All men’s destinies are in God’s hand.” And he said to me: “It seems really so; I might as well also believe in God.” But, numb and stubborn, I said: “No! If we both believe in God, how can we pay our debt?” He said: “I did not believe in these two years, but we have not paid off our debt, have we? On the contrary, we have spent more than 2,000 yuan.” I turned a deaf ear to his words, paying no attention to him at all. And my desire to earn money did not change in the least.
Later, when the brothers and sisters gave testimonies in my home, my husband also listened aside. After that, he began to attend meetings. Since then, he recovered from his illness imperceptibly. But I was indifferent to this, and I still continued my life of doing business while keeping attending meetings. Unexpectedly, in less than half a year I lost 1,500 yuan in business. However, I would not turn back until I went to the wall. I took out a loan of 4,000 yuan and began to raise pigs. I did not expect that the pigs would all die off within two months. At that time, I could not keep control of myself anymore and was distressed to a degree in my heart. I kept complaining against God: “God, why do you treat me like this? I really can’t understand. Have I really offended you?” God did not look at my disobedience but inspired me once again: “All men’s destinies are in God’s hand. You cannot control yourself. Even if man labors and works for himself all the time, he cannot control himself. If you could touch your future and control your destiny, would you be called a created being?” God’s words revived my numb and stubborn heart. Yes, if I could control my own destiny, would I be called a created being? How can I, a person that is tiny like an ant in God’s eyes, control my own destiny? My years’ of bustling about was completely for my flesh, for myself to have more money, and for my flesh to have better enjoyment. But the result is that I was buffeted from pillar to post and thus badly battered. Instead of gaining the money I dreamed of day and night, I lost more. Instead of enjoying fleshly ease and comfort, I incurred the besetting of illness. Even when I saw the change of my husband and saw God’s hand, I still persisted in my wrong course, and continuously attempted to change my destiny with my own hands. I was so incorrigibly obstinate. I really deserve God’s punishment! However, God loves me so much that he only gave me chastisement and discipline directed at my disobedience, causing me to wake up and repent and make a fresh start. How can I continue to be at enmity with God and test God’s nature? O God, thank you for your dealing and discipline and thank you for your inspiration and enlightenment. They have made me see your majestic nature that is not to be offended, and see that your word is absolute truth and that you are God Godself who determines the destiny of mankind and rules over everything. They have also made me see my lowness and corruptness, and even more, see your love for me. O God, I will not grieve you anymore. I am willing to drop my own plans, accept your manipulation and arrangement, and offer up my whole being before you to requite your love for me.
Xuchang City, Henan Province