After I accepted God’s new work, in order to devote my whole heart and strength to performing my duty, I quit my well-paid job. Thus I incurred the displeasure of my family and the criticism from the people around me. My parents-in-law grumbled and swore at me all day long, saying that I was an indecent woman; my neighbors made all sorts of comments about me and looked at me with strange eyes; and my relatives and friends stayed away from me because I did not work…. In the face of all this, I felt very distressed. And I could not help conceiving an idea: Let you all slander and look down upon me. I’ll by all means do well in believing in God. When God’s work becomes public, you’ll see I am walking the right path. At that time, you’ll have nothing to say and can’t but admire me. From then on, I expended myself for God more energetically. Whenever I felt weak and discouraged because of not being understood by the people around me, I would encourage myself with this goal.
One day, while having a meeting with us, the leader fellowshipped, “Each of us believes in God with some mixtures. If these mixtures are not resolved, they can cause us to fall.” Then she read with us two passages of God’s word: “Man’s viewpoint of existence is not to live for God, to live by the word from God’s mouth, or to live for justice, for satisfying God, for fulfilling God’s will, and for being saved. Man’s goal is not this, and it falls far short of this. Most people live for the goal of receiving blessings. Others live in order to win credit, and that is even more wrong!” “…everyone has within him some imaginations, notions, wishes, and empty dreams that he himself cannot discover. It is indeed very dangerous that there are these things mixed within people and accompanying them constantly. …if you do not get rid of these things, then you can never be certain that you can stand. You may forsake God at any time and in any place, may blaspheme God at any time and in any place, and may leave the true way at any time and in any place. This is a very likely thing.”
Reading these words, I got a shock. Am I not a person who “lives in order to win credit”? I reflected upon the many years of my following God. Outwardly I have given up my job, have been enduring the mockery of the world and the rejection of my family, and have been performing my duty in God’s family and expending myself for God with no turning back. Yet I did all these not in order to pursue the truth, to live out the likeness of a real person, or to perform my duty as a created being to satisfy God’s heart. Instead, I made efforts in order to achieve the purpose of winning credit for myself. I expected that some day because of my success in believing in God, I could hold my head high and become outstanding, and make those who slander and look down upon me admire and envy me, thereby striking a powerful counterblow against them. What is the difference between such pursuit of mine and the worldly people’s pursuit of standing above others? Aren’t they exactly the same? Aren’t they both satanic viewpoints of existence? God has expressed so many truths through being incarnated just to change man’s original viewpoint of existence, so that man can know from God’s word the value and meaning of man’s existence and can live for pursuing the truth and for satisfying God. However, I lived all along by the satanic viewpoint of existence—to live for winning credit before others. I have followed God with this mixture until today, but I was totally unaware of it and I even often took it as the goal of my pursuit to encourage myself. Such pursuit of mine was really too foolish and absurd! In the future, God will test us with facts; according to the corrupt things and unclean elements in our nature, he will arrange circumstances to test our work. If these mixtures within me are not resolved, one day when my desires are shattered and my dreams fall through I will forsake God and leave the true way.
Only then did I deeply feel that it is too dangerous to follow God with mixtures. I sincerely thanked God that his inspiration enabled me to see the hidden danger in the path of my belief in God, and also realize the dangerous consequences of not resolving these mixtures.
O God, from now on, I will pursue the truth diligently and change my contemptible, ugly viewpoint of existence and goal of pursuit. May you arrange more circumstances to expose the mixtures in my belief in you, so that I can have them cleansed away early, become a person who only pursues to live for the truth and for satisfying you, and thus receive your approval.
Dalian City, Liaoning Province